I'm not sure where this abbrev came from (like that I abbreviated abbreviation? I know.... to cool) but it's one of the more handy ones I've come across.
When you "DTR", you "define the relationship". This could be used in many circumstances, with the most common of them being in a romantic relationship. However, it can be used in some other situations:
Friendship
Co-workers
Family
Religion (DTR with Christ is a common thing, so I hear)
Since I had only heard the term in a romantic sense, I had a difficult time imagining why you would need to DTR any other relationship you have with people/things/higher beings. However, when I was talking with my friend Angela the other morning, she was hearing lots of names of students as I caught her up on everything that I was doing and she kept asking, "So, how do you know that kid? Is he/she your student?" And I had a hard time explaining how I know MS, AR, DT, and pretty much all the kids that I don't teach, because our relationships are... well... complicated?
This confusing situation happens quite frequently. I am very close with many students whom I will never teach. (I won't ever teach them because they are in general education classes.) However, I am closer with these students than almost every teacher that has taught them. When they introduce me, they intially refer to me as their teacher, but when asked what I teach, we look at each other, stumped.
"Well, I'm a special education teacher, but I don't actually teach _______ in class. I run tutoring programs that they participate in and a bunch of other stuff."
Does that even begin to describe my relationship with the kids I don't teach? Does that adequately rationalize why I get up early on a Saturday to pick up AR and drive him to the SAT across town with batteries, pencils, and a snack to boot? Does that explain why I drive over an hour to see MS play basketball with her AAU team? Does that connect with why I pick up DT every morning on my way to school? Does that connect with why I take VM to buy uniform pants because he can't afford them?
No... if anything, it sounds kind of creepy.
So how can I "define the relationship" with these kids, if I'm not even sure where it came from in the first place?
Kids have described me as a mentor, but that causes some confusion. Most of the mentors in our building are from outside programs that come to our school and target struggling kids. While I am close with some kids who one would consider "struggling", many of the kids I'm close with that I don't teach are not. DT, AR, and MS are in 3 AP courses (the most they can take as seniors). Many of my "students" have wonderful mothers (and some wonderful fathers) who provide everything they can for their children. Out of the 75+ athletes that I tutor and work with on a weekly basis, about 35 were on honor roll. So when I say "mentor", it gives people the wrong impression of the student, even though it's an accurate explanation of the things I do with the kids.
Kids have described me as an older sibling, crazy aunt, or mother. While that can describe my relationship with kids, it gets confusing when they look at both myself and the student and realize there is almost no way that we're related (remember, my school is 99% black... we have 1 Latino/Hispanic student). Of course, my students more and more frequently describe me as black, so that makes it a slightly more possible for us to be related.
Kids have described me as a friend. This doesn't happen often, usually in strange social settings. This is a terribly inaccurate description of our relationship for many reasons. There's a clear hierarchy, chain of command, discipline structure, or whatever you want to call it. There's a clear age gap that is quite strange for a friendship. There is dependency that is not normal in a friendship. I would never introduce myself a friend, but sometimes the kid is lost for words on what I am.
So if I'm not your teacher, family member, mentor, or friend... what am I? What is this strangely close relationship that I have with the students at my school who I do not teach?
Their person. That's what has been the most common explanation of what I am to them. When I meet a coach for the first time, the student explains that I'm "their person" at our school. When teachers ask who they should talk to about getting a student what they need, I'm "their person". When an administrator asks who the student needs in order to be successful, I'm "their person". When I take a student to the hospital, they write down that I'm "their person".
It may not be the most traditional of titles, but I am more than happy to be their person. It happens to be the most accurate explanation of our relationship. They look to me for a variety of things, but I do not look to them for anything but their best foot forward. My name is usually the first out of their mouths when they are stuck, and my arms are where they run to when they are in pain. I am a teacher, but I'm not their teacher. I am a sister, but I'm not their sister. I am a friend, but I'm not their friend.
I am a person. I am their person.
This confusing situation happens quite frequently. I am very close with many students whom I will never teach. (I won't ever teach them because they are in general education classes.) However, I am closer with these students than almost every teacher that has taught them. When they introduce me, they intially refer to me as their teacher, but when asked what I teach, we look at each other, stumped.
"Well, I'm a special education teacher, but I don't actually teach _______ in class. I run tutoring programs that they participate in and a bunch of other stuff."
Does that even begin to describe my relationship with the kids I don't teach? Does that adequately rationalize why I get up early on a Saturday to pick up AR and drive him to the SAT across town with batteries, pencils, and a snack to boot? Does that explain why I drive over an hour to see MS play basketball with her AAU team? Does that connect with why I pick up DT every morning on my way to school? Does that connect with why I take VM to buy uniform pants because he can't afford them?
No... if anything, it sounds kind of creepy.
So how can I "define the relationship" with these kids, if I'm not even sure where it came from in the first place?
Kids have described me as a mentor, but that causes some confusion. Most of the mentors in our building are from outside programs that come to our school and target struggling kids. While I am close with some kids who one would consider "struggling", many of the kids I'm close with that I don't teach are not. DT, AR, and MS are in 3 AP courses (the most they can take as seniors). Many of my "students" have wonderful mothers (and some wonderful fathers) who provide everything they can for their children. Out of the 75+ athletes that I tutor and work with on a weekly basis, about 35 were on honor roll. So when I say "mentor", it gives people the wrong impression of the student, even though it's an accurate explanation of the things I do with the kids.
Kids have described me as an older sibling, crazy aunt, or mother. While that can describe my relationship with kids, it gets confusing when they look at both myself and the student and realize there is almost no way that we're related (remember, my school is 99% black... we have 1 Latino/Hispanic student). Of course, my students more and more frequently describe me as black, so that makes it a slightly more possible for us to be related.
Kids have described me as a friend. This doesn't happen often, usually in strange social settings. This is a terribly inaccurate description of our relationship for many reasons. There's a clear hierarchy, chain of command, discipline structure, or whatever you want to call it. There's a clear age gap that is quite strange for a friendship. There is dependency that is not normal in a friendship. I would never introduce myself a friend, but sometimes the kid is lost for words on what I am.
So if I'm not your teacher, family member, mentor, or friend... what am I? What is this strangely close relationship that I have with the students at my school who I do not teach?
Their person. That's what has been the most common explanation of what I am to them. When I meet a coach for the first time, the student explains that I'm "their person" at our school. When teachers ask who they should talk to about getting a student what they need, I'm "their person". When an administrator asks who the student needs in order to be successful, I'm "their person". When I take a student to the hospital, they write down that I'm "their person".
It may not be the most traditional of titles, but I am more than happy to be their person. It happens to be the most accurate explanation of our relationship. They look to me for a variety of things, but I do not look to them for anything but their best foot forward. My name is usually the first out of their mouths when they are stuck, and my arms are where they run to when they are in pain. I am a teacher, but I'm not their teacher. I am a sister, but I'm not their sister. I am a friend, but I'm not their friend.
I am a person. I am their person.
No comments:
Post a Comment