Wake Up Calls

For the last few years, I have been a wake up call service for many kids. Their alarm clocks either aren't effective or don't exist, and when I've offered to get them loud, annoying alarm clocks, they assure me that it would be a waste of my money. "Just call me in the morning Ms. Walka. I'll wake up then."

And so it began. Some mornings I would make up to 10 different phone calls to wake up various students, greeting them and telling them it was time to get ready, don't forget x, y, and z is happening today, check in at blah blah blah time.

This is my first year where I am not consistently making wake up calls in the morning. Many of the students who I was calling have graduated, so that's part of the reason. While I've still offered when a student is having tardiness issues, most of my students sort it out on their own.

Today I made a wake up call of a different nature. Even though I'm not Christian, I attend a Bible Study with several of my teacher friends and a few other educator types. Several of us were given some tough news yesterday about changes that were made to our schedules that are going to negatively affect several kids, and cause more problems than solve. We also know that more changes are to come, but we haven't been told yet. We were all on edge last night.

Before leaving, I was talking with Ms. Art and Ms. D. We were discussing how early we needed to wake up in order to get everything prepared for today. I told them I wake up everyday at 5am, it's just a question of how many times I hit snooze. They both wanted to wake up at 5am, but felt that they were going to ignore their alarms. I jokingly said that I could call them in the morning if they'd like, because it's harder to ignore a person than an alarm clock. Ms. D got excited and started telling us about this 5am prayer session these women did with each other because of their busy lives and families, and that was the only time they could gather spiritually and pray together over the phone. Ms. Art said that would be a great way to start the day. I told them be ready for a 5am wake up call.

It's now 5:28am and I just got off the phone with them. That wake up call was not my usual symphony of grunts, moans, and whining. It was beautiful to hear about the things we should remember to be thankful for, the people who we should be mindful of, and the emotions we need to keep in mind. As I said, I am not a Christian as I do not firmly believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God who came to Earth and died for my sins. However, I do firmly believe in the power of prayer and the power that it gives us to hear myself and other humans be humble in their work, be thankful for what they have, and mindful of what they don't.

While a million things can go wrong today, and 999,999 probably will, I feel more prepared than usual. Maybe it was the 5am Prayer Session, maybe it's because I only hit snooze once. Either way, I am thankful for waking up another day to serve the beautiful students at my school, despite what poor decisions adults and institutions make.

Amen.

Time for coffee.

Dear D, Choose Good

Dear D,

I was watching the Green Lantern the other day, mostly because I love Ryan Reynolds, but also because it's a decent movie. I don't know if you've seen it, but it's a superhero movie where a guy is chosen to be a part of this special alien space police force, but he's a guy who avoids responsibility and quits part way through the movie. When he tells his bestie, the lovely Blake Lively (I forget what the character's name is) that he quit because these people are supposed to be fearless and he is afraid, she says to him that it chose him not because he is fearless, but because "you have the ability to overcome fear. It saw that you're courageous." He then goes on to beat the bad guy and save Earth, and the universe, and it ends all happily ever after.

When I was sitting in Courtroom 3A today, watching you, I couldn't help but be afraid. You know that I'm an anxious person to start with, and this whole situation did not settle my usual jumpy nerves. As I sat there feeling fear and anxiety about your future, you sat there with courage. You had the courage to look the judge in the eye and plead guilty to all those things. It takes real courage to be able to plead guilty to crimes such as eluding police, driving a stolen vehicle, and involuntary manslaughter. There was so much for you to fear, so much for you to want to hide from, but you took responsibility for your actions and said with true courage, "guilty, Your Honor."

I drove to the courthouse today thinking that I was going to testify as a character witness for you. I've written Letters of Character for students before, but you were the first student that I have come to court for. As you noticed, this was not the day for me to do that. However, I am glad that I was there to support you, because I want everyone to know that you're a person worth supporting. Even though I didn't get a chance to share with the judge what I think of your character, I am going to share with you what I had prepared to tell him, because every person deserves to know how wonderful they are.

Your Honor,
I have known D for a little over a year now. I taught him for 1 period last year, and also worked with him as a tutor when he played football. I am a teacher at his school and I also work closely with our after-school programs. He was in my English I class for the duration of his freshman year, but I do not have the pleasure of teaching him again this school year.
While D attends a school that has a less than stellar reputation, he has shown that the building will not define him. D has shown resilience, overcoming obstacles such as getting injured in football, adjusting to the transition from middle school, and doing well in school despite his disability. While no freshman has an easy transition into high school, D handled his transition with grace, and of course a few bumps in the road that he was able to smooth out with assistance from teachers and coaches.
An unusual characteristic for many students in our building is empathy. It is not uncommon that I go through my day with no more than 1 or 2 students asking me about my day, how I am feeling, or what my interests are. This was not the case with D. He was sure to ask how I was doing, with genuine interest, and was also sensitive to my emotions. His attention to others never went unnoticed with other students, and they began to become more empathetic in class because of his example. 
Hand in hand with his empathy is his patience. A rare virtue shown by most teenage boys that I have come across, D has shown me that he understands the value of patience and that "good things come to those who wait." Of course, that does not mean he was never impatient, but he knew to be patient when it was important. 
Lastly, D is incredibly intelligent, and has shown great perseverance, as he is a student with a disability. School is naturally harder for him, but that has never prevented him from performing well in all of his classes. He performed so well during his freshman year that he was selected to be in AP World History this year as a sophomore. This is a student, who unlike many students at our school, is on a college trajectory. I have no doubt that he will not only attend college, but perform well enough in school and in sports to earn a full scholarship. 
Your Honor, I know that there are consequences for every action. However, I also know that every consequence serves a purpose and sends a message. There are people in this world who need to learn their consequences in a secluded place in order to protect society. D is not one of them. I have seen several of my students come out of the juvenile justice system, and they come out broken from what they were before. It has turned good kids into ones who feel they have something to prove or defend. A code to upkeep. While I feel strongly that D won't be one of those kids because of his strong character, I cannot help but have little faith in the juvenile system for actually correcting the behavior. For my students who were a true danger to society, I understand completely why they needed to be incarcerated; the public's safety is the priority. D is not a student who is a menace to society, nor is he a danger to anyone. Teenagers make mistakes, some worse than others. D is a teenager who made a devastating mistake, but he is not one who has shown a pattern of repeated mistakes that should cause us to fear for the safety of the public.
D is a good person, and I hope that this letter has shown that. It would be a greater disservice to society to have him incarcerated than to provide him with a consequence outside of a youth detention center.
                                                                                             Sincerely,
                                                                                                  [Ms. Walker]

D, you are an amazing person. You are so strong, so courageous, and so humble during this terrifying process. You entered this process as a great person, and I want you to remember that, because you will exit this process as a great person. You do not need to change and be anyone else but yourself after this experience, because that is what this is, an experience. It's not necessarily a good one, and it's definitely a hard lesson learned, but it is one of many experiences you're going to have in your life. What is most important is that you let your experiences improve you as a person, make you better, stronger, smarter, humbler in your walk through life. Do not let this experience harden your soul to what is right and what is good. You are an innately good person, which means that you were born good and you are good without trying. Do not fight this. Accept that you are a genuinely good person and hold onto that with all your might. Good people do stupid things. Good people even do bad things sometimes. But that does not make them a bad person. Just because you did something stupid, and something bad, does not mean that defines you. You get to define who you are, so choose wisely.

Stay strong, kiddo - I'm rooting for you. If you need anything, let me know, and I'll do my very best to make it happen. I love you.

                                                                               Choose good,
                                                                                        Ms. Walker

When It's Cold, It Pours

This past week, the Polar Vortex hit everyone in the United States. And I mean everyone. Even if your temperatures weren't subzero, I know you felt the chill in your spine when you read the -40 or so wind chills in the midwest.

When you know such terribly cold temperatures are coming, usually you prepare your home/building for such weather. Maybe you stock up on supplies in anticipation of power outages. Maybe you pull out those extra thick wool sweaters that Grandma knitted you that have crazy designs on them. Maybe you put anti-freeze chemicals in your heating system to ensure that pipes don't freeze.

Maybe you don't.

Well, on Monday DCPS had a Professional Development Day for the first day back after Winter Break. Great idea on their part, to ease adults back into working. Rather sensitive of them. The plan worked well, in my opinion. I ran professional development for half of my team in the morning, and then our school met as a staff in the afternoon. I was amped and ready to go on Tuesday morning. I left a few things unfinished in my classroom, but I was going to come in early on Tuesday so it was fine to leave them out.

I had a nightmares all through break about various things. People getting shot, getting lost in mazes, people dying - usual nightmare situations. Monday night was no different, and I woke up unsettled on Tuesday morning. It took an unusual amount of self-coaching to get out of bed, shower, and get ready for school. However, I walked out the door at 6:40am with coffee, packed lunch, and backpack in tow and left for school. At 6:53am I received a text from Ms. C, one of the teachers in my cohort:

Ms. C: The 3rd floor is flooded!!

I rolled my eyes and immediately assumed that the pipe that has been leaking for the last 3 years was leaking again. While several people have come to fix it, they never quite seem to solve the problem. 30 seconds later I receive another text from Ms. C:

[video of entire hallway floor flooded]

Hmm... well that is significantly worse than usual.

As I'm watching this video at a stop light, I get an email from our principal that the school will be closed today. Blah blah blah.... insufficient heating... blah blah blah....

By the time I get to the flooded floor, the ceiling has fallen in at one end of the hallway. There is an inch of water on the floor and my cute flats are getting terribly wet. As I came up the stairs, someone mentioned something about my room being the worst... I assumed they meant my room from the year before which was on this flooded floor. I didn't think anything of it.

Ms. C suggested that we go look at my room now, just in case.

When I walked in, I didn't want to believe what I saw. My room was 1.5+ inches deep in water. It was raining inside my room. Pouring, as a matter of fact.

I had binders of documentation on the floor under my desk. The student laptop was rained on. My hand-written Algebra II curriculum binder was looking pretty soggy on a countertop. My bulletin boards on the back wall were crying; bleeding objectives, student work, and positive posters ran down my wall. My Promethean board was drenched, and the ceiling in part of my room was on the floor. My printer was partially submerged in Lake Walker. My Flag Football jerseys were in a storage case that was looking flooded. Donated binders, materials, and clothing were sitting soggily in bins on the floor.

That's when I lost it.

I started yelling. Lots of yelling. Not at anyone in particular. No really distinguishable words. This was the 3rd year in a row this had happened to me. I was in a new room - this wasn't supposed to happen. It was ok to have things on the floor in this room, one that hadn't leaked previously. I didn't have enough shelf space for all of my materials - where else was I supposed to put my things? Was nothing safe in this God forsaken building??

Ms. C just stared at me, shocked. I never yell like that, or lose it, or even curse loudly in the school building. I am a loud person, but I keep it appropriate. Honestly? She looked a bit scared, and I don't blame her.

I. Was. Pissed.

Then, I smiled. I took off my shoes, rolled up my slacks, and waded through the water to save what I could. I moved it all to Ms. B's room. My team all helped me with moving my things to the opposite end of the hallway, where it was dry. As I passed security guards, teachers arriving at work (they hadn't gotten the email yet), and various other staff, they saw my room and gasped. They then saw me, barefoot, wading around in the mouse poop and plaster-filled water, salvaging my belongings and giggled. "Oh Ms. Walker, you're so crazy." "Ms. Walker, you'd do anything for your stuff, wouldn't you?!" "Ms. Walker... make sure you shower when you get home." I smiled, and shrugged it off, saying my usual "Shit could be worse" and kept it moving. No one likes a Negative Nancy, especially as a leader. So shower I did, and smile I must.

I gave myself 4 hours to be mad about this incident. I got in my car to go back home and cried a little bit for the lost materials that I had worked so hard to collect/make. I cried for the frustration of having to redo bulletin boards that took me hours to put together. I cried for the fact that this was 100% preventable if someone had put anti-freeze in the pipes. I cried for the 4 other classrooms that were damaged and thus have to be moved until they fix the problem and clean the area. I cried for the fact that this of course happened to our school, as it always does. I cried because the transition back to school was going to be difficult in the first place, and this was going to make it that much harder.

I cried because this was upsetting, I am human, and I get to be upset when bad things happen. People in my school building often forget that, and are disappointed when I am human, and get upset.

I am now teaching my two classes in two other teachers' rooms. 4 of my teachers had to move to classrooms that aren't frequently used and were dirty and do not have the technology in them that every other room in the building has. I have made the best of it, and I've tried very hard not to be angry, since it's long past my 4 hour time limit.

But, like I said, I'm human. Materials that took me hours, days, months, years to make/collect/design were destroyed. I get to be upset.

But don't worry, everyone was grateful to have an extra day off. I told them, "oh, you're welcome." And smiled. Always smile. Like I said, no one likes a Negative Nancy.

2014 To Do List

This is my third year in a row publicly discussing New Year's Resolutions. Two years ago I posted a list of 10 Resolutions. 1 year later I hadn't accomplished a single one of those resolutions. So last year I decided to write 10 Reasons To Be Resolute. 1 year later, I'm still feeling pretty resolute. Maybe I'm on to something...

One thing that I learned is that being resolute made it easier for me to make decisions. It also allowed me to operate with no regrets. When I made a decision, I made it. No looking back. No wondering about the coulda, woulda, shoulda. I plowed forward at full speed and committed to whatever it was. Maybe it was a new curriculum I tried. Maybe it was a shopping day at the mall. Either way, I was resolute in whatever I did.

On the flip side, I'm not so sure about my results. There are many things that are going well, but there are many things that need to be better. One major positive that I have seen is that I am feeling better about myself. I am living a healthier lifestyle, I am doing more things for me (I've read 2 books this vacation!), and I have branched out socially. I've taken on new and necessary tasks/responsibilities at work and I am feeling confident in my performance. I am going to keep my 10 Reasons to be Resolute for 2014 and see what other great things happen.

Of course, there are areas where I would still like to improve. So instead of calling them resolutions, I have 10 items for a 2014 To Do List. I do much better with lists that require me to cross things off instead of general "do better" lists. I've attached loose due dates to each item to ensure that I don't put it off until December (I'm a natural procrastinator...), but of course, the goal is to accomplish them 364 days from today.

2014 To Do List

1. Run a 5K (due date: October)

2. Participate in a GORUCK Light Event (due: August)

3. Read 24 books for leisure (due: December)

4. Learn French - complete 1 course (due: May)

5. Take an art course (due: November)

6. Be a Highly Effective Teacher according to IMPACT - for the first time ever (due: June)

7. Take the GRE - get a "good" score (due: July)

8. Get a boyfriend - I know... very desperate girl sounding, but I couldn't help myself (Due: When Fate allows)

9. Begin research for PhD programs I want to enroll in - visit 3 campuses (Due: September)

10. Travel to 2 locations in the US, 1 outside of the US (Due: December)

It's going to be a busy year.

Happy New Year!