While You Were Out...

Being a teacher is a 8-3:30pm, 180 day/year job.

Being a mom is 24/7, 365.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011 - Last day of school before winter break                                       
MS calls at 11:28pm. She is in a bad situation and has to sneak out of her girlfriend's house before she gets in serious trouble. The busses have stopped running and she is 5+ miles from her house. I am in my car, 30 seconds away from my building when I turn around and go pick her up so she can get home safely. She apologizes profusely and assures me that she wouldn't have called if it wasn't a last resort. I tell her it's never a problem and I'm glad she called instead of attempting to walk home alone.

CM texts me at 11:56pm from an unfamiliar number. I broke up a fist fight between him and DR earlier in the evening when they were threatening to kill one another.
CM: Ms.Walker You Sleep This CM..
Me: No, I'm up - what's up?
CM: I Wanted To Say I Apologize For My Action Its Just That Im Going Tru Alot And Im Just Trying Keep Myself Going..
Me: Thank you - I understand things are really tough right now with your grandpa. I just don't want you to make some bad choices that are going to hurt you in the long run. You're too smart for that. I'm here to help you stay on track.
CM: Its Not Even With My Grandpa IThink My Aung Bout To Put ME out And My Mother Said ICant Come Back There..
Me: What?? Why is she going to put you out??
CM: Cause One Of Her Sons Told her That I Order aPorn Movie And Rearly In Here To Watch Tv And She Dont Belive That IDidnt Order It..
Me: Ugh that's so frustrating. Hopefully she doesn't put you out. If she does you’ll figure something out - don't worry.
CM: Ok Thanks Ms. Walker..
Me: Of course! Just keep doing the right thing. Get some rest - we can talk tomorrow. Good night!

Thursday, December 22, 2011 - Day 1 of Winter Break                                                                    
DR calls at 12:10pm. He wanted to let me know he was going to the doctor about his knee as it was still hurting him. He also was sorry about getting into the fight the night before. He'll call me after he goes to the doctor.

DR calls at 3:01pm. It is hard to tell what is actually wrong with his knee based on what he is telling me. I think he has some form of tendonitis in his knee. The doctor is giving him a brace and he is not to practice until school resumes.

CH calls at 3:24pm. He asks if I'm still in town. Unfortunately, I left 4 hours earlier and am well on my way to my parents house for the holidays. He mentions that he is in need of a ride home, it is unclear where from. I tell him to try a few of the other teachers he is close with that are still in town. He apologized for bothering me on my break.

RB calls at 8:24pm. I missed the call as I was at dinner with my family. I text him back at 9:19pm.
Me: Hey - sorry I missed your call - is everything ok?
RB: I juss wanted tp know did you get a picture of me because i got in the game very late
Me: I did! I haven't uploaded them yet so I don't know how good they are. I'll try and get them on fbook by the weekend.
RB: Okay thanks

Friday, December 23, 2011 - Day 2 of Winter Break                                                                        
CH calls at 6:58pm. He is borrowing a teacher's laptop over break to do his homework and needs an administrative password in order to download the necessary software. Unfortunately, I don't have the password. He apologizes for bothering me on my break. I tell him it's not a problem.

RB Facebook message:
RB: you gonna put them on today?
Me: probably later tonight

Saturday, December 24, 2011 - Christmas Eve - Day 3 of Winter Break                                         
EE calls at 9:58pm. He wanted to wish me a Merry Christmas before anyone else. He was going to bed because he couldn't wait for the morning.

RB Facebook message:
RB: ms. walker can you put our pictures up please

MB Facebook message [MB reads on a Kindergarden level]:
MB: love you
Me: I love you too!!
MB: Wyd [translation: what you doing]
Me: Hanging out with my family. You?

Sunday, December 25, 2011 - Christmas Day - Day 4 of Winter Break                                           
CC texts at 2:45am.
CC: Marry Christmas to you and your family and God Bless

CH texts at 3:48pm.
CH: Merry christimas ms.Walker
Me: Merry Christmas, C!
CH: What did you get
Me: Some books and t-shirts. What about you?
CH: Nothing
Me: What?? Well I'm happy to share mine with you. You might like some of the books I got.
CH: Okay
Me: Are you getting some rest?
CH: No
Me: No rest?? What have you been doing?
CH: Nothing
Me: :(
CH: Hahahahahaha

Monday, December 26, 2011 - Day 5 of Winter Break                                                                     
The coach of the basketball team texts me at 6:26pm...
Coach: Happy holidays, can you let M know we have practice on wed at 10am.
Me: Happy Holidays to you as well. I'll let him know. Anyone else?
Coach: All of them that you speak to. I left messages with some of their parents. I have spoke with D already. I have 2 numbers for A, one of them is disconnected.
Me: Ok. I'll call a bunch of them. I'll put together a contact list for you as well.

RB calls at 9:45pm. I ignore the call because I'm watching a movie with my family. I text him.
Me: In the middle of a movie - I'll call you back after
RB: Okay
I text hwhen my movie is over.
Me: Out of my movie - you up?
RB: Yea.
I call RB and ask what's going on. He wanted to know if I was going to school the next day. I explain that I'm still at my parents house so I can't go to school then. He was disappointed. When I asked why he wanted to get into the school he explains that he left the grapes I bought him in my classroom fridge and he wanted them. I told him that when I'm back I'll check to see if they're good and bring them over if they are. Or he could have one of his coaches let him in after practice Wednesday and he could snag them. He liked that plan. He apologized for bothering me so late. "Oh, and one more thing. You lied - you still haven't put those pictures up." I knew he was right... and I promised to get them up the next day. "Aight - bet."

AR texts at 9:48pm.
AR: Mswalker can u call M nd tell him its practice wed nd thurs at 10
Me: Yeah I will
AR: By the way hos ur vacation going
Me: It's going very well - getting lots of sleep. How'a yours?
AR: Ite
Me: Staying out of trouble?
AR: Maybe

I send a Facebook message to 12 of the boys on the basketball team:
Hey guys,

You all have basketball practice on Wednesday (12/28) at 10am at [school]. I'm not friends with everyone on fbook so please pass along the message to those who aren't on this one. I'll call those of you who I have numbers for, but if I don't have your number could you please message it to me so I can give it to coach?

Hope you all had a great holiday!

Ms. Walker

Tuesday, December 27, 2011 - Day 6 of Winter Break                                                                   
DR calls at 1:39pm. He asks if I can let M know about practice. I told him that I already spoke to him and he'll be there. He tells me that he's with DO because his step mom had surgery. I speak to DO and ask how his step mom is doing - he doesn't know, the surgery was yesterday. I ask how his holiday has been and he said good. Staying out of trouble? "Of course, Ms. Walka!"

EE calls at 6:29pm. I miss the call because I am having dinner with my family. I call back after dinner and speak with JE about his holiday. EE was outside. EE called back and told me he had a great holiday and he wants to go back to school. He asked if I could come back to DC because he's bored. I told him I'd be back soon but school doesn't start for another week. He was sad. "Well, I'll just call you tomorrow then." Ok E.

CM calls at 7:13p and 7:15p from an unfamiliar number. I miss both calls because I was having dinner with my family. He also texted:
CM: Ms. Walker This C My Aunt Put Me Out..
Me: Where are you?
I call him back. He is on his way to his friend's house for the night. He's going to go to practice tomorrow but he doesn't know what to do after tonight. I reassure him that Coach can help him out until I'm back. I tell him we'll come up with a plan and everything will be ok - we'll find him a place to stay. He feels better but still sounds nervous. I ask why he was put out but he doesn't know. His aunt just told him to pack his bags. What about mom? "I can't go back there Ms. Walker... she's got some problems." I don't pressure him. I tell him to sit tight and call me after practice.

AR texts at 7:21pm.
AR: Ms.walker who do u inform that it was practice
Me: M, D, R, and D. D's phone was off so M is going to tell him about practice. C got put out so I'm trying to figure out where he is...
AR: Do u got a number I can call him off of
Me: Just talked to him - he's staying at his brother's for tonight. The number he called me from is____. He'll be at practice tomorrow.
AR: Iite thank u
Me: No prob. I texted G also.

DR calls at 9:43pm. "Ms. Walka! Who's better at basketball, me or DO?" "You're both good in your own way..." "She said we're both good in our own way! Ms. Walka, DO is trying to say he's better than me at basketball. How are we both good?" "You're a very good forward and he's a great shooting guard." "WHAT? SHOOTING GAURD! DO CAN'T MAKE A SHOT!" You can hear people yelling in the background, all parties involved are not happy with my answer... "DR, I'm going to go. I'm in the middle of a movie. We can talk about this tomorrow after practice." "Alright, Ms. Walker."

DC Facebook message:
DC: Hey Ms. Walker This Is DC On The Girls Basketball Teamm
Me: Hey D! How's your break going??
DC: Veryy Well
Me: Staying out of trouble? :)
DC: Trying To
Me: Haha that's good - did you have a good holiday?
DC: Yes What About You
Me: I've had a great vacation. I'm still up with my family - I've been sleeping a ton which is nice. Nothing too exciting. What have you been up to?
DC: Chill With My Friends Practicing Basketball

AT Facebook message:
AT: happy holidays
Me: Same to you A! Are you having a good break?
AT: yes but don't wanna go back.... r u
Me: Yeah having a great vacation. Thankfully we have a whole week until we're back.
AT: tuu...wat did u get 4 christmas even doe u grown
Me: I got some clothes and books. Grown ups get gifts too haha
AT: yea wateva u say...im on my new labtop now...clothes nd money 4 me
Me: a new laptop! Nice! What kind of comp is it?
AT: toshiba...i wear glasses now..i get my computer skin it soon
Me: Glasses? That's exciting - how are you liking them?
AT: i tried den on but i get my real 1a the friendly we get back
Me: Exciting It will be nice to be able to see clearly.
AT: hahahahahahahahahaa....i got my ears pieced 2 both
Me: Whaaaaat?? You're going to be a whole new person next week!
AT: a lil...new year new A...hahahaha...not really...watchu doin on dis late
Me: Watching TV and trying to be tired. I've been sleeping a lot which makes it had to sleep at night.

MB Facebook message [MB reads on a Kindergarden level]:
MB: heyyyy
Me: hey! how are you?

Wednesday, December 28, 2011- Day 7 of Winter Break                                                                 
CM texts me at 4:45p from an unfamiliar number.
CM: Hey Ms.Walker This C..
Me: Hey! Where are you?
CM: Over My Borther House..
Me: That's good. He's letting you stay for a while?
CM: He Not Real Brother I him My Brother Cause We Grew Up Together And This Like the Only Tru Friend I got And AR..
Me: Oooh. Got it. How long are you able to stay with him?
CM: Not Long..
Me: I'm combing back Friday morning. You can't sleep over at my place - it could easily get my fired - but i can help find somewhere for you to say - what did Coach say?
CM: Nothing Imma Be Ok.
Me: Dude... Did you at least talk to him about it?
CM: Yes..
Me: And he didn't offer any ideas about what you can do?
CM: Only Thing Waas Do IWant Him to Talk to My Aunt.
Me: And you said...?
CM: No IReally Don't Care
Me: Well do you have a plan for the long term?
CM: Imma Figure One Out..
Me: Ok... Please keep me posted and let me know what I can do. If you don't have a plan by the time I get back we'll go with one I come up with, ok?
CM: Ok..
Me: Stay safe
CM: Ok..

EE calls at 5:07p. I miss the call but he leaves a voicemail. "Hi Ms. Walker. This is your lil man, E. I was jus seein' how your doin'. Call me back!"

DR calls at 8:37p. I missed the call because I was out to dinner with my parents.
DR calls at 8:39p. I pick up the phone as we walk out of the restaurant. DR asks if I've heard from DO. DO was supposed to be at his house by now and he's worried. Do I have his mother's phone number? I tell him that I'll give her a call and see if her number is working.

I call DO's Mom at 8:41p. No one answers. I leave a voicemail.
I call DR back at 8:42p. I tell him that I'll send messages out to both of his parents and call his step mom. I give him DO's mom's number so he can try as she likely won't pick up an out of state area-code. I tell him to call me if he hears anything.

I send DO's mom a Facebook message:
Me: Hey Ms. O, is D with you? DR called and said he was supposed to be at his house but hasn't shown up.

I text DO's Dad, Mr. W:
Me: Hey Mr. W - DR called and is concerned about where DO is since he was supposed to be at DR's house by now. Have you heard from DO?
Mr. W: Am about to go to my cousin house to c if he is there and u can call this number to c if he is home ___ ask for AW.
Me: Ok thanks - I'll let you know if I reach him.

I call AW at 8:49p. I ask how she is feeling, as she has just returned from the hospital from having surgery. We chat about the holiday for a few minutes. When I ask if she has hear from DO, she says she hasn't, and he probably went over to his cousin's house. I thank her and ask her to let me know if she hears from him as he is currently missing.

Ms. O Facebook message:
Ms. O: Yes he left about 30 mins ago he called me

Me: Thank you!

DR calls at 9:38p. DR says he spoke with Ms. O and says that DO is on his way. I tell DR to let me know when he shows up.

I text Mr. W:
Me: DR spoke with Ms. O, she said he's on his way over there now.
Mr. W: ok thank u can u give me DR number so I can check to see have he got there in a little bit did he go to practice today
Me: His number is _____ and I haven't spoken with him yet so I'm not sure if he went to practice.

I text AR, one of the basketball players on DO's team:
Me: Hey did DO go to practice today?
AR: Yea
Me: Thanks

I text AW:
Me: He's on his way over there now. Sorry to bother you! Feel better!
AW: Thats ok tell him I'm home now i no he miss me <:)>
Me: Haha shall do!

DR calls at 10:21p. DO still has not shown up. He tried calling Ms. O but she's not answering.

I call Ms. O at 10:22p. She doesn't pick up.
I call DR back and tell him to keep me posted.

I send an Facebook message to Ms. O:
Me: DR said DO still hasn't shown up. Is there a number DR can reach him at?
Ms. O: I am about to call around now

DR calls at 10:56p. DO went to his cousin's house. He's going to get his basketball stuff from DR in the morning before practice. "You can go to sleep now, Ms. Walker." "Thanks, DR. Good night".

Thursday, December 29, 2011 - Day 8 of Winter Break                                                                    

I call EE back at 2:34p. He's about to go play basketball with his brother. His cat almost got hit by a car. Thankfully it's ok. He's sorry that I have to go get a filling for a cavity. "Me too, little man. Me too."

CM texts me at 8:08pm.
CM: Ms. Walker You Think You Can Help Me Get My Clothes From My Aunt House.
Me: Did you come up witha long term plan for where you're going to live?
CM: Naw Do You Have A Option..
Me: If you don't have family or anyone you can stay with I'm thinking we should look into teen group homes or something like that. Or I can talk to your aunt.
CM: I Don't Want Nothing To Do With Them I Just Want My Clothes From Her House..
Me. Ok. Then I'm thinking we need to find a group home or something like that for you to live in. I'd take you in but I can't :( I'm leaving early tomorrow morning, I'll be back early afternoon. I can come and help you once I get back, ok?
CM: I Just Talk To My Aunt..
Me: You did or you want me to?
CM: I Did She Just CAll MY Brother Phone..
Me: And...?
CM: She Said She Felt Like She Was Wrong And I Can Come Back..
Me: That's great! How do you feel?
CM: Like I Wish School Can Hury Up and Be Fir I Can Get Away From All Of This Crazy Stuff..
Me: :( I understand. Only 3 more days! We can go grab lunch tomorrow if you want - I'll see if AR can come too. Cool?
CM: That's Sounds Nice,Can You Give Me AR Number..
Me: _____ He can only text though
CM: Oh So What Time You Coming Back..
Me: I leave at 6a. I should be back by noon. I can do lunch at 1p - that work?
CM: Yes..
Me: Ok. AR is coming. I'll pick you up first. I'll text when I'm on my way tomorrow, k?
CM: Yes The Address Is ______.

I text AR at 9:54p.
Me: Hey - I'm taking CM out to lunch tomorrow because he's had a rough week. Want to join?
AR: Wat time??
Me: Around 1p.
AR: Yea that's wat time yuh gohn pick me up
Me: Yeah - I'll text when I'm on my way
AR: OK kool

Friday, December 30, 2011 - Day 9 of Winter Break                                                                         

CM calls from an unknown number at 12:35p. He tells me to call that number when I'm outside and not to text. I let him know that I'm on my way and I'll be there soon

I pick up CM and AR and take them out to an all-you-can-eat buffet for lunch (their choice). We talk about their break thus far and what they've been up to. I then make the mistake about asking about their New Year's Eve...

Me: So what are you guys doing for New Years Eve?
Both boys laugh... then realize that I actually wanted to know.
AR: Oh, you know... sitting at home, watching the ball drop, then going to bed.
CM: Yeah... that.
AR: We won't be hanging at a friend's house, drinking that Ciroc, and living it up or anything. What about you?
Me: .... yeah... Sitting at home, watching the ball drop, then going to bed.
AR: Oh aaiite, I see you Ms. Walker. You won't be drinking that Ciroc at a friend's house either? Okaaayyyy!
Me: Yeah, just be safe watching that ball drop.
CM: Yeah, you too, Ms. Walker.

They speak in code about some things and I don't try to listen. During lunch they comment on my food (I'm recently vegan) and how they can't believe I come to an all-you-can-eat buffet and just get a salad. They proceed to give me an education about what it means to be "hood rich" [read: the richest person in your hood] and what that looks like. I get worried that this is the big dream for them and AR reassures me...

AR: Naw, Ms. Walker. That's a dream, not the big dream.
Me: So what's the big dream?
AR: I'm going to be President.
Me: That's great! I'll vote for you.
AR: Yep, and the first thing I'm going to do is get rid of the South.
Me and CM burst out laughing.
AR: I'm not kidding! I'm going to tell everyone below 36-30 that they gotta get out. Go to Mexico or something.

AR hates the South, primarily because he's currently learning about the Antebellum South right now in his AP American History class. He proceeds to give me a mini history lesson about why the South is awful and the North should take over. This carries us into the car and our drive back. A song comes on by an artist called Lil Boosie and AR asks me a question.

AR: Ms. Walker, if you saw someone on the street who you know killed one of your manz, or wasn't even the one who did it but was a part of the crew of the guy who did it, what would you do?
Me: Hmmm. Well, I would probably be really angry. And call the police.
AR: Yeah, but what if the police don't do anything about it?
Me: That's tough. I honestly don't know what I would do. I would like to think I would be able to control myself but I just don't know. What I would want to do would definitely be different then what I actually would do.
AR: So you wouldn't go Lil Boosie on them?
Me: I don't know what that means...

Rumor has it that Lil Boosie's father and friend were killed, and then Lil Boosie went and killed 16 people. However, he was only charged for "1 body".

Me: So, AR, you're asking if I would go and kill 16 people if someone killed my father and friend?
AR: Yeah. Or would you even kill one person?
Me: No... I would not kill someone if they killed my father and friend. That would sink me to their level. I would not want to be like that person in any way, and if I murder someone, then I'm just like them. I'd want them to go to jail for life for what they did. That way they can feel a consequence for their actions. Plus, I really don't think my dad or friends would want me to kill anyone.
AR: Huh.... that's a good point... But what if they let him out of jail on parole or whatever?

This launches us into a conversation about jail politics. CM listens quietly. This is a sore subject as he mentioned to me early that "This town is starting to feel so empty... everyone is either dead or going to jail... it's like I don't know anyone anymore... I need to get out of here - start fresh."

I drop off AR first, then drop of CM, give him $20 so he can go to the movies, and tell him I'll see him tomorrow. He asked for SAT Prep books for Christmas, and who would I be to say no to that kind of request?

Saturday, December 31, 2011 - Day 10 of Winter Break                                                                 

Call CM at 1:35p as I walk into Barnes & Noble. I let him know that I'm running a little behind but should be there soon. I call him back as I walk out of Barnes & Noble and ask if he has pens and a calculator so he can actually use the workbooks at home. He does not, so I tell him it will be a little longer so I can go to Staples. I pick up some supplies and drive over to CM's aunt's house. I drop of the SAT Prep books and supplies and tell him to be safe for New Year's.

JJ calls at 6:32p. He wanted to say hi, wish me a Happy New Year, and know if we still have gym class when we go back on Tuesday. I remind him the semester doesn't change until later in January, so yes we do. "Oh, ok then." We say goodbye and hang up.


Sunday, January 1, 2012 - Day 11 of Winter Break                                                                         

JB texts at 12:07am.
JB: Happy NEW yeARS MS WALKER THIS IS JB
Me: Happy New Year, JB!!!!!!!
JB: Yew at home
Me: Not at the moment
JB: Oh what we doin for this year in school
Me: We'll talk about that at another time haha.
JB: Okay hahaha

CH calls at 12:12am. I miss it. I call him back at 12:20am.  "Happy New Year, Ms. Walker!!" Happy New Year, CH. He proceeds to tell me how he met a celebrity that day, some music producer. "He said it costs 3 stacks [tranlslate: three thousand dollars] to get into the studio!" Yeah, it's expensive. Can we talk about this another time? "Sure. CT says Happy New Year, too!" Glad to know you guys are safe together. See you Tuesday! "Bye Ms. Walker!"

JJ texts me at 8:11pm.
JJ: ms. walker can you check with ms.s and check And see if she e-mail the maryland university paper for me
Me: Can it wait until Tuesday?
JJ: Yes

Monday, January 2, 2012 - Day 12 of Winter Break, Last day before school resumes                        

I call DT at 6:07pm. I ask how his break has been and if his finger is healed (he had surgery around Thanksgiving). He's ready to play basketball and is not entirely pumped about coming back to school. "Psych nah. I'm really bored Ms. Walker. You getting me in the morning?" I tell him I'll be there at 6:45a and will give him a wake up call at 6:15a - don't forget to keep the phone near him.

I call MD at 6:14pm. We talk about his break and he tells me how he's spent most of it at his cousin's house. He's stayed out of trouble and is ready to come back to school. I remind him I'll wake him up at 6:15a and pick him up at 6:45a.

I call DO at 6:18pm. I speak with his Stepmom for a few minutes about her holiday (it was good) and then talk to DO about his wake up call. He's gotta get up at at 5:45a so I can pick him up by 6:15a. "Ohhhhhh ugh... ok. Alright. I'll get up. But you should call the house... I probably won't hear my phone." Alright then, 5:45a on the house line.

I text AR at 6:20pm.
Me: Heya - I'll call you at 6a for a wake up call. Pick up is at 6:30a. Ok?
AR: Ite

New Years Resolutions

1. Get more than 6 hours of sleep every night. No exceptions.
2. Say "no" to people at least 10 times each day, 3 of which must be to children.
3. Eat 3 meals every day, only 1 of which can be a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
4. Cook 1 meal every day, even if it's just reheating a meal that was cooked earlier in the week. (This is an effort to stop eating a handful of frozen peas for dinner...)
5. Meet people who aren't teachers or who work in a school building on a regular basis. Try to hang out with them.
6. Read 1 book every 2 weeks. Size and content do not matter... well, if the book is more than 500 pages, I'll extend it by 1-2 weeks.
7. Read a newspaper every Sunday - attempt the crossword puzzle but won't get discouraged when I can only answer 4 clues.
8. Stop getting mad about adults not doing their job. It's unproductive. If people aren't doing their job in the first place, me being mad about it doesn't seem to motivate them to start doing their job.
9a. Exercise 3 times a week. Exercise is to be loosely defined as an activity that causes my heart rate to rise above 115 bpm. This is not a real workout, but it's better than nothing.
9b. Actually work out (heart rate above 140 bpm) twice a week - likely to be on Saturday and Sunday.
10. Write at least 1 blog post per week. It doesn't have to be long, it just needs to get done.

Happy Holidays!

Before the school day begins...

4:30a: Alarm goes off. Snooze.
4:45a: Alarm goes off. Use restroom. Snooze.
5:07a: Alarm goes off. Roll around in bed. Whine a little at my alarm clock. Get up. Get in the shower.
5:23a: Get out of the shower. Brush teeth. Style hair. Stand in closet naked looking at clothing.
5:40a: Try on third outfit and finally decide it's good. Well, good enough.
5:45a: Reminder alarm - Wake Up DO. Call DO and wake him up. Remind him I'm coming in 30 minutes. Listen to him grunt. Tell him to get in the shower. Grunt grunt. Hang up.
5:52a: Pack up bag. Gather belongings from floor of my living room. Put on make up. Feed cats. Clean litter box.
5:59a: Get coffee from the lounge in my building.
6:00a: Reminder alarm - Wake up MS, AR, VM. Call MS - doesn't answer. Call MS again, whining heard over from her end. Tell her that I will call her in 30 minutes to let her know if I can get her from the train station or not - it depends who else wakes up for rides. She tells me about her weird dream. I get in the elevator and lose service.
6:03a: Get in car. Call AR - talk to his mother briefly before he gets on the phone. "Yeah I know, you're coming. Bye." Click. Call VM - doesn't pick up. Call VM again - still no answer.
6:15a: Reminder alarm - Wake up DT, MD, CM, JM. Call DT - no answer. Call MD - "Hey Ms. Walker... I'm up." Don't forget your permission slip. "Ok. See you soon." Click. Call CM - "Good morning R." "Hey Ms. Walker, I'll get him... Yo C... wake up." "Good morning C." "I'm up Ms. Walker." "Ok. See you soon." Click
6:17a: Get off the highway and call DO. "Hey it's Ms. Walker - I'm almost outside."Click. Call JM - no answer.
6:19a: DO gets in the car eating the last bit from a tub of ice cream. Breakfast. Sigh...
6:20a: Call DT - "I got you Ms. Walker. How far away are you?" He has 25 minutes. "Oh alright." Click.
6:28a: Call AR - "You here?" About to be. "Oh alright." Click.
6:30a: AR gets in the back. DO changes the song playing to one that AR likes. Both begin to nod off as the bass pumps through my speakers.
6:32a: Call VM - no answer. Call JM - no answer. Call MS - "I can get you at the train." "Nah, I won't be there in time, go ahead without me. See you at school." Click.
6:43a: Call MD - "I'm coming out now." Call DT - "You here? Oh alright." Call JM - leave a voicemail... I left without you but I'll keep calling until you're up. Call VM - no answer.
6:44a: MD and DT get in the car. All 4 boys start talking about practice the day before. Two get upset with each other.
6:58a: Arrive at school. Boys grab groceries from my trunk: milk, orange juice, cereal, 2 loaves of bread, V8 juice, hummus, pretzels, apples, apple sauce, instant oatmeal, plastic cutlery, paper plates.
7:02a: Walk into my classroom - CM and RB are waiting at the door when I get there. Everyone comes in, puts down their bags, and begin fixing breakfast. DO has oatmeal, RB cuts up apples and peanut butter, all the others have cereal. CM puts away the groceries. I sit at my computer and begin work on writing IEPs for that day.
7:12a: MS walks into the classroom. Boys finish up their breakfast, MS fixes herself a bowl of fruit loops. CM pulls out his Anatomy and Physiology homework and asks me to help him. Other boys continue to talk about high school gossip.
7:15a: Reminder alarm - wake up DR. Call DR - "I'll be there in a minute." Click. Call VM - no answer. Call JM - no answer.
7:27a: Finish A&P homework with CM. MS begins working on English 4 homework. Boys get antsy and want shoot around in the gym. CM grabs the basketball from my closet while the other boys clean up breakfast. MS grabs her work and we all head down to the gym.
7:29a: Get a text from VM, "Im Upp Ms Walker.." I reply, "Glad to hear it. See you soon!". VM writes, "Okaaayyy"
7:30a: Sitting on the floor of the gym, grading quizzes and homework, MS talks to me as she works on her English essay. 3 of the boys are shooting the basketball, taking turns doing drills. 2 of the boys sit and watch on the bench behind me.
7:43a: Security officer walks in, sees me sitting there, and then walks out.
7:52a: Coach P shows up in the gym. Does some drills with the boys wearing shorts and t-shirts, the others goof around and chat.
7:58a: Clean up my papers and go upstairs to my classroom. Put down my grading. Grab my planner, a pad of paper, and a pen (which I put in my pony tail) and walk down to the meeting of the day.

8:00a: Time when teachers are required to report to school according to the union contract. Meetings with departments, grades, teams, and committees begin.


I don't do it because I have to. I do it because I LOVE to. These 3.5 hours are sometimes the best of my entire day. They also happen to be the 3.5 hours that I don't interact with a single adult. Coincidence? 

No!

Sometimes I wonder how it would feel to be one of my cats....

Jump up on the counter... "NO!"

Claw the chair... "NO!"

Sit on my computer... "NO!"

Attack my foot that's under the covers... "AHH!! NO!!!"

All these "no"s and so few yeses. I never think twice before yelling "no", and never assume that an explanation is needed for the cat to just stop doing whatever they are doing. It might be a ploy for attention, it might be because they need something, or they might honestly just want to annoy me. These are all possibilities.

While I don't jump on counters, claw furniture, or attack peoples' feet, I do occasionally get a similar response as if I had. Usually, when an adult tells you that you are not allowed to do something, it is accompanied with an explanation of why you are being told "no". However, there are those moments (I must admit they are not as rare as we would like to think) when adults simply say "no" and don't think twice as to telling you why. 

Such occasions where this is likely to happen are...

1. The DMV.... "I checked on the website and I needed this form and–" "No." "But I have–" "No." "How about–" "I said no."

2. Diving in the shallow end.... "1....2..." "No." "But it'll be a shallow dive!" "No!"

3. Having a second dessert... "Mom, could I have one more cookie?" "No." "I'll do the dishes..." "hmm.. No."

4. Walking on the grass of a museum..... just no.

Also included is generally when you are trying to do something outside the box. I have come across many "No!"s over the past few years, one of my most discouraging ones came today. I tried to go above and beyond for my students, planning a college tour for them, and I got a very decided no from authority figures. 

Unlike my cats, I will not get off the counter/stop clawing the chair/leap off the computer/run away from the foot. I shall claw away until given a proper explanation of why I should cease to provide said opportunities, especially during DCPS College Awareness Month.

I hope my cats don't catch on to my rebellious ways... that could be bad news for my furniture.

Friday Night Lights?

Ever since I started this after school program that is mandatory for athletes to attend, I have been enveloped in the world of sports at my school. What I thought to be a rather insignificant part of our school has turned into almost 50% of my daily effort at work. The politics are overwhelming, the children are hilarious but taxing, and I spend more time thinking about the adults and catering to their needs than the children. Politics aside, there have been many things that I have been shocked by...

1. Our complete lack of school spirit.
2. The disorganization around various events.
3. How little people make it about the students.
4. What students consider to be acceptable on the field/court.
5. How students and adults react to wins/losses.

Here are some events that may explain how I came to believe the points above:

Our first "Pep Rally"
It was the day before our boys' first game (away) when one of the higher ups in the athletic department messaged me about organizing a send-off for the boys. Realizing that nothing could realistically be put together within the next 10 hours, we decided to hold off on the send-off until the following week's game.  However, that game was forfeited by the opposing team due to lack of players.
Finally, 2 weeks later, we had our first send-off for the boys. I spent all week making posters, organizing people to be there, and getting people to make decorations to hang in the hallway that led to the boys' locker room. On the day of the game, running on about 3 hours of sleep due to poster making the night before, me and a few other teachers decorated the locker room with streamers and personalized posters for each player, then decorated the hallway leading to the locker room. The plan was to have the boys run down the hall while onlookers cheered and chanted for them. Come 4pm when the boys were supposed to run down the hall, we were only able to find adults to cheer them on, and the boys were taking quite some time to assemble in the stairwell before running down the hall.
Then, the big moment came... they came through the doors, went through the first banner, and proceeded to funeral march down the long hallway. They pushed through the second banner with one finger, and proceeded, silently, into the locker room.
While this was going on, all the adults were chanting, screaming, cheering, and stamping their feet. I ran up and down the hallway patting the boys on the back and screaming out their names. They were stone cold. Absolutely no reaction.
When I asked them later about the pep rally, they mentioned it was really cool and appreciated the efforts. As to why they funeral marched down the hall? "We were in the zone. Pumping up like that only happens right before the game."
Huh.... who would have thought?

Pre-Game Time
After the pep rally, I was hanging around helping some of the boys get their heads screwed on, and it was quite the site to see. Boys were running all around, the coaches were on the phone with downtown trying to figure out who was cleared to play and who wasn't, people were half dressed or not dressed at all, few were fully ready, and several were just chatting with me about their day. I was trying to get them pumped for the game but they weren't entirely interested in being pumped, but more just talking about it. They always seem confident going into these games, but are never surprised when they come up short on the field. It isn't until about 2 hours after school has ended that they begin to get organized and start paying attention to directions. Several of them sit with me for homework help, others just chase each other around, and most are just lounging, begging me to go buy them food since they are starving. Excellent pre-game focus time.

Game time
When it comes to game time, the boys look the part... for the first 20 minutes. They are zoned in, balls-to-the-wall football and hold their own on the field. It's about a quarter of the way in where they begin to lose focus... they're looking for us in the stands, they're goofing around on the side lines, they're looking at the cheerleaders... their attention begins to drift from the game. While it's always sweet to have a kid do something awesome on the field and then look for you to make sure you saw it (love MD), but it is indicative of what they really care about: they want you paying attention to them no matter what is happening on that field.  This happens with both good and bad things. When one kid says a snarky comment and they think you may somehow have heard it from 50 yards away, they look over nervously and wave. When a kid makes a touchdown (this has only happened once this season) they look up to make sure you saw it. While it warms my heart, their head should be in the game, not on whether I saw it or not. The frequency with which they check the stands increases as the game continues, until they are down a large amount and have pretty much given up on winning. At this point they begin shouting up into the stands to talk to you about what you saw, what food they want, or if you can drive them home after the game. While the coaches attempt to keep the kids focused on the game, there is only so much you can do when you're losing 52-0...

Post-game
For away games, I drive several students who are either on the team but not playing or don't play on the team at all. Once I drop off the kids who have no association with the football team, I swing by the school to pick up my other boys who played. We grab some food before dropping them off at home. These car rides are interesting because of the attitude. The boys are relatively cheerful, considering they have usually just survived a trouncing. They talk about the great plays they had, how their coach ripped them a new one and they don't care, and then what they're going to do better in the next game. Maybe I'm just a sore loser, but whenever I got crushed in a game I wouldn't talk to anyone after, or I would talk about how pissed I was that we lost. These boys focus only on the positive, speak very little of the negative, and seem to focus on the future. I assume this is a coping mechanism for losing all the time - you can only be so angry about losing. However, when I talk to the coaches about this mentality they express a lot of frustration. Apparently, the boys don't quite register the seriousness of the situation and the coaches are irritated at the lack of motivation amongst the boys. This is likely because the coaches jobs are on the line based on how the boys perform in a game and there are no real consequences, other than losing, for the boys.

Study Hall
In the past 2 weeks the coaches have cracked down on the boys for study hall attendance. Athletes cannot play unless they get their hour of study hall in during the daytime. The boys have started to fall in line, for the most part, and show up with work to do as they know we will bother them until they get busy doing something educational. Based on how I saw them behave before, during, and after games, I had been very anxious about the foolishness that I was going to deal with during study hall. However, to my surprise the boys now show up on time, if not early, and go straight to their rooms. Yes, it took us 6 weeks to get there, but they know the expectation and meet it. Boys even stay late for tardy hall when they come to the program late. Yes, there is always room for improvement, but it's interesting what happens when you make the program about the kids. There are many adults who have tried to make programs for after school and for our athletes, but these programs have failed due to the students not taking it seriously, the adults poorly organizing it, or the heart being in the wrong place. With our current program, I consistently message to students that the entire program is there for them to benefit from and based on their needs, and they seem to appreciate it. They ask for math tutors, I got them math tutors. They wanted snack earlier, I got them snack earlier. They wanted a specific teacher to be there more often, they got it. Once they saw that it really was about them, they became much more receptive to the entire program. Imagine that... kids liking something because it's about them. Craazzyyyyyyy.

Meetings with Coaches
The expectations are different, but the mentality seems to be the same. Mentality: Support our kids so they can succeed. Expectations: What does "success" mean?
I find myself continually confronted with different expectations for children. I expect nothing but the best. I want kids to be accountable, present, and willing to learn. With that said, I do tend to have much more patience for those who take longer to get on track, and I try and work to find out how to help a kid want to learn, teaching them what it means to be accountable, and flex my time for what is "present".
The coaches who see kids in the classroom tend to be on the same page as me. However, those coaches that don't see these boys in the classroom have a different set of expectations, depending on the kid. This has made it extremely difficult to be consistent with students because of the flux in expectations throughout their day. While I'm trying to keep us consistent by meeting with many of the coaches/teachers during the week, it is extremely difficult to convince someone that you know better than they do. Coaches would love to think they clearly know their players best because of that special team bond. Teachers would love to think they clearly know their students best because they have data to back up their statements. However, it is important that the coach and the teacher communicate to create a set of expectations that span across the school and field/court in order to help a student be successful. It is my students whose coaches I am closest with that are performing the best on the court/field and off because the expectations are much more consistent. We're working on putting systems in place so this will be the norm, but unfortunately it usually means that a person needs to set their pride aside and be willing to accept that someone else might know more than them... Pride vs. kids... Who wins?


I'm still feeling out the world of athletics in a public school. It's a completely different jungle than my lonely ol' cluster, and I'm not sure that I brought my machete to get through the thick of it... 

It Doesn't Matter If You're Black Or White

We were talking about the broken promise of the American Dream, civil rights, and racism...

Me: Is our school integrated? Or is it technically segregated since we're a 100% black school.
AN: It's segregated, but I mean, you're here, so you can count as not black.
AY: What you talkin' about? Ms. Walka's black!
CF: What are YOU talkin' about!? Look at her skin!
AY: I don't care what you think you see, we all know she black.
MB: Yeah, she's my mother!

It was one of my happiest moments. You may not know this little fact about me, but I strive to be a powerful black woman. Over the past 2 years I've not only gone through training to be a teacher, but a cultural training as well. I've learned it's not easy being a powerful black woman, and it hasn't been easy to learn how to be one either.

The first time it was brought to my attention that my students may not register me as white was midway through my first year. The colour difference between myself and my students was brought up, and I didn't want them to think that I was there as a white person trying to save them. I was there to teach them, not "save".

Me: So guys, there are some differences between us...
TJ: Yeah, you're really tall.
Me: True. But I was thinking–
JB: And you have green eyes.
Me: Again, true, but–
TJ: And you have really big feet!
Me: Thanks, T. But guys, the key difference between me and you all is that I'm white.
[Blank stares...]
[TJ stands up amongst the silent group of 24]
TJ: Nah Ms. Walka... you are black. [Holds up Black Power fist.]
Me: On the inside, honey, on the inside. But my skin is white.
JB: Oh well yeah, we knew that.

I was blown away, it had been a short 6 months and my students had already began to blur the lines between black and white. Could it be that my kids were becoming "colour blind"? No way - it was just because they spend all day every day with me that they're having a hard time differentiating. I was convinced that only my students would blur that line, and I attributed it to the fact that they look at me as their mother and someone who cares for them must be black since that's all they've ever known.

My second year brought on more colour confusion. My students had grown accustomed to me being a white-black woman, but they would get confused when people would look at us funny in public. They constantly thought people were looking at them, when in fact I was the one getting lots of stares. Some examples...

1. I drive CH home every day. When I pull up to his apartment complex, there are usually people sitting outside, hanging on the corner, gambling in the parking lot, buying drugs out of the "ice cream trucks", kids running through the fire hydrant on hot days. There are very few, if any, people who aren't black living in this area. So whenever I drive up and drop him off, people look into the car and give unwelcoming stares when they see some white chick driving a little black boy home. CH always thinks the neighbors are staring at him, and gets self-conscious. It wasn't until I told him that they are all staring at me that he realized, "Oh, I guess that makes sense, Ms. Walker. You are a bit out of place here. I forget sometimes."

2. I took a two of my girls out to the movies one Friday night. JN and MB were so excited to go to the movies with me and they had a wonderful time. However, they kept tugging on my arm and asking why people were looking at us. When I asked them why they thought people might be looking at us, they couldn't think of a reason. I mentioned the fact that they are black and I'm white might throw some people off - since I'm relatively close to their mothers' age and in some circumstances I could potentially be their mother, or older sister. They thought about it and decided that was probably it, but they were still confused when people kept looking at us.

3. Some of my adopted sons, DO, MD, and DT played in Passing League Football this past spring. This is essentially a touch football league that keeps the kids active in the spring and gives them something to do. I went to their games and helped support them with getting to and from, as there was limited room in coaches cars. There were no busses since it's not entirely affiliated with school sports, so it was a little hodge-podge. One night after a game, I was driving the boys home when we decided to stop at McDonald's as they hadn't eaten since lunch (7 hours ago...). We get inside, where I let them know dinner is my treat. They all order, one after another, and then I order a diet coke (I don't have the stomach for McDonald's). The guy behind the counter looks at me and then looks at the boys and we have the following conversation:

Cashier: Are you their coach?
Me: HAHAHAAHA.... Oh no.... not me.
Cashier: Oh, well.... then..... what are... I mean... How do you know them?
[I pause and look at the boys, who look back at me confused]
DO [shouting]: She's our mother!
[Everyone in the restaurant stares at me and the boys silently....]
Me: Yeah, something like that...
Cashier: Alright, well I won't judge you. That'll be $32.56.

The boys didn't realize until the awkward silence after DO's loud exclamation of love that it was weird for 3 teenage black boys to be out and about with a young white woman. As DO said, I was their mother, as I provided them with food, made sure they did their homework before their games, then got them too and from practice/games, and got them home at a reasonable hour. However, the rest of the people in the McDonald's restaurant were not aware of this, and we were an interesting bunch to come across.

By the beginning of this school year, I was in complete identity crisis. I am obviously white, but because of my job and dedication to my students, I had become more accustomed to being the minority. I have become significantly more comfortable with being the minority, especially in a black majority, and it takes me a short while to acclimate to all-white situations when I go home for visits. I love living in a diverse situation, or at least an opposite situation from what I grew up in. I felt that I could identify somewhat with my students' culture, but was well aware I had a long way to go. Apparently I'm much further along than I thought, as an introduction with a student during my second week went something like this...

Ms. H: Oh, B, have you met Ms. Walker?
BW: No, I haven't... but I know who you are.
Me: Oh yeah? Nice to meet you B, I'm Ms. Walker.
BW: I've heard about you, Ms. Walker.
Me: Yeah? What have you heard?
BW: I don't mean to be offensive... but aren't you the teacher who's white, but is actually black? Like... you act like a black person but your skin is white?
Me: B, I hope that's the case. I strive to be a powerful black woman.
B: Well, from what I've heard you're already one.

This was a kid I had never met. Could it be that I was beginning to be identified as the "black" white person? This student surely thought that was the case. Naturally, I became terribly self-conscious that I was a joke amongst kids due to this identity confusion, and that they were making fun of me behind my back. It wasn't until the following week when I ran into another student, MS, that it was confirmed it wasn't a joke...

Me: Hey M! How ya doin'?
MS: Ms. Walka! We were just talking about you!
Me: Uh oh! What were you saying?
MS: That you actually black, your skin is just trying to fool us.
Me: Really? I am a crafty person, you know.
MS: Yeah, you got swag, Ms. Walka. You're not like all those other white teachers. You got a real backbone to you. Those other ones... not so much.
Me: Well thanks, M. I appreciate it. I hope this is a good thing.
MS: Oh yeah, girlll! This is a great thing!

It was official. One of our more articulate and analytical students had decided I have swag - the ultimate compliment. I didn't have to look the part to walk the walk and talk the talk. I was on cloud nine - I felt as though I had been officially accepted into the black community. This was affirmed when today we discussed the poem Cross by Langston Hughes. It is a poem about a biracial person who is confused about their identify and what their future will look like due to their biracial status. I asked my students how they think people who are biracial feel in homogeneous communities - for example, how would they feel in the Anacostia community. We then tried to compare it to how a white person would feel within the Anacostia community, which naturally led to them wondering how I felt in the Anacostia community. They were stunned when I explained that I wasn't welcome.

"But... Ms. Walka... didn't they know you're black?"

I wish everyone was as loving and accepting as my students. However, I encountered several adults when I first came to my school that were less than thrilled about my skin colour and culture. The students couldn't believe it - they didn't understand why people thought I wasn't one of them. We began talking about how it was more about the culture you associated with instead of your actual skin colour.

We concluded that I'm a Cross, or mixed. I've got white skin, white roots, and black culture. I like to refer to myself as a Milano cookie, with a hint of mint.

Some People Have All the Luck

I went on a road trip last night with 4 of my coworkers/friends. Ms. SL, Ms. HL, Ms. LS, and Mr. JW. We drove to  WV to see our football team play against M. High School. The boys left earlier in the day and did a college tour at West Virginia University, our head coach's alma mater. They had been talking about this field trip all week and the 5 of us felt it would be a great surprise to show up to support them at their first game of the season.

We left immediately after school, and drove for 4+ hours to get to the game around 8:20pm, partway through the second quarter. As we pulled up we noticed that the stands on the home side were chalk full of fans - shouting, cheering, and having a grand ol' time. As we finagled our way into a faux-parking spot, we grabbed our banners and headed over the ticket booth. As we were walking over, we looked down on the field and saw a player being taken off the field on a stretcher. We began to panic... that was one of our boys. We began asking around for what happened and got a hazy story about a bad tackle, concussion, pinched nerve, and visiting team. The boy raised his hand as he was being taken off the field, so at least we knew he wasn't paralyzed. (We are still not 100% sure what happened...)

We hustled over to the visitors stands - speckled with random people from out of town, rebel MHS students, and some WVU alums - and started shouting our school spirit. Our huddle turned around at the sound of our yells and gasped - they were stunned. Within 5 seconds we were wrapped up in arms of our sweaty players. They couldn't believe we made it. One of my adopted sons, MD, ran over and gave me a huge hug and told me how happy he was that I came. MD wasn't suited up because he currently doesn't have the grades to play, but it meant everything to him that I was there. We got the play by play from the boys about what had happened thus far, and noticed that the score was 3-0 MHS. We gave them mini-pep talks and then settled down in the stands about 30 feet behind our team - hooting and hollering all the while.

We had 20 boys (now 19 due to an injury) who were suited up and playing. Each kid was playing offense, defense, and special teams, which didn't give them a lot of time to rest. On the bright side, each kid got A LOT of playing time. It was a tough game to watch. It wasn't the fact that we had 20 boys that was hard to see, it was that MHS had 42 players suited up. They were cheered on by a 15 girl cheerleading squad, and a 250 piece marching band that included dancers. We figured this school must have at least 2,500 students... we later found out they only had 1,800. That's about 1.000 more than my school.

The boys tried their hardest. After the first half, the coaches decided to play 6-minute quarters. Our boys were exhausted and that was clear by how they were playing. Unfortunately, we came up short (41-0). After the game the boys came over and gave us hugs and thanked us for coming. AR was talking with Ms. HL and then looked over at me. I assumed that he was still not my biggest fan, but then he held out his hand for a high-five/handshake. We both smiled and as I grabbed his hand, "Great job to day, A. You played like a leader. I'm really proud of you." "Thanks, Ms. Walker."

The boys all ran back to the locker room, the coaches came over and expressed their appreciation for us showing up, and then went to get the boys to the hotel they were staying in for the night. The 5 of us looked at each other and knew that the game was totally worth the drive. We packed up our things and began to leave the stadium.

People were stopping us along the way out, asking us if our player was ok. To be honest, we hadn't heard from Coach KC who went with CH to the hospital, but we figured no news was good news and spread the word that CH was going to be fine. We climbed up the stairs towards our car, and when we got to the top we were stopped dead in our tracks by,

"They should have paralyzed that n*****!"

All our eyes darted towards the young man who decided to shout this, who was walking with a few friends, all but one of them were white, the one other was black. Ms. SL said, "Excuse me?!?" to the boy, who continued walking and acted as though he didn't hear her. The black young man walking with the group began saying how disrespectful that was, but I noticed a smile on his face as he said it. We looked around for an adult to tell - wanting that boy to be reprimanded for his horrific attitude and ignorance. Unfortunately, no adult was to be found and we weren't sure what to do. Mr. JW told us to take a breath and let it go, but the rest of us had racing hearts and minds. The boys kept looking back at us as we stared them down, until Ms. HL said, "I can't wait to get back to DC." "Me, either."

In the car ride back we talked about many things that we saw. What it would be like to teach at a school like MHS. That they must have full time staff dedicated to those extracurricular activities. What the supports must look like. How they have had these programs for 80+ years. The list went on.

Despite all of these great things that these kids and teachers had, we still felt like the lucky ones. I have no desire to be anywhere else than my own school. Yes, it is incredibly tiring trying to establish programs. Yes, it is incredibly difficult to do it with with next to no money. Yes, it is frustrating that our kids are significantly behind and you're constantly playing catch up. Yes, it is irritating to know that you have to reinvent the wheel because you can't get your hands on what you know already exists.

On the flip side. Yes! We get to establish programs for our students that will provide them equal opportunities. Yes! We are more creative with our instruction and programs because we do not have the funds to buy everything we need. Yes! Our kids are trying 3x as hard to give themselves the same opportunities as others. Yes! I will reinvent the wheel a million times if it means that it will get better and create equality for my children.

As we drove through the hills of WV, VA, and MD, we thought about how lucky we are to be at our school and not MHS. We have a staff who is dynamic, dedicated, and diverse. Many that are willing to go the extra 215 miles to support our children in whatever way they need. I feel so incredibly fortunate to be on the same team as all of these staff members, and I am incredibly excited for what opportunities we will bring to our kids. We genuinely love coming to school and working with our kids (of course, those kids can sometimes be a total pain in the butt). That is something special, and is exactly what our students deserve. I don't know what the culture is like at MHS, but I'm willing to put money on the fact that it's not nearly as strong as ours.

It's true, we are the lucky ones.

The Importance of the Mulligan

I don't like golf for many reasons. The biggest reason is I grew up in a house where the sport was despised (primarily by my father). Endless golfer jokes would come up when dinner guests were over who felt it was a good idea to share their love of the game with my dad. Ha. ha. ha. Aside from my father's love for the game, there are several parts of the sport that didn't sit with me. Openly saying people had a "handicap" was unique - I figured everyone just needs things a little different (that is what I tell my children). I was able to get over the handicap issue, but the concept of the mulligan in a sport was a tough concept to grasp.

What was the point of the competition if you got to do it over? Wasn't the point that you are supposed to perform well under pressure? If I messed up a foul shot for a game winning point, I wasn't allowed to say "Oh, that's going to be my mulligan - I'll take the slight deduction in order to do it again." Doesn't that take away from the integrity of the athleticism?

The mulligan continued to be a good joke all through high school and college - when I felt I should get a do over I would make a bad joke referencing a mulligan. But then I became a teacher and I gained a very different understanding of the mulligan, or should I say, the "do over".

I'm currently running the extra-curricular enrichment program for our football players. We have many options offered to them for an hour after school before they go to practice. They have study hall, SAT prep, college application assistance, and subject specific tutoring to choose from. The deal is, they must show up on time or else they stay in Tardy Hall with me for the amount of time they missed - thus going to practice late. The boys didn't quite understand the importance of being on time the second day of this program (Wednesday) and a group of about 10 of them showed up 20 minutes into the 1 hour block. I told them they would be staying after. Another group of 5 or so came 30 minutes late. I was attempting to get them into rooms, but a few of them were not thrilled at the idea. I managed to get all of them in except for one, AR. He was having none of it. I got to hear all about how he's the exception and this isnt' for him and he doesn't care what I have to say. Considering how upset he was, AR was very articulate of his feelings about me.

I was infuriated. This was a student that I had only heard the best things about. AR is a favourite of many, and has significant potential as a leader. We're talking about a student who had straight As for a semester or so last year. And this was how he was acting. He'd never met me, had no idea who I was, and felt that gave him full liberty to lose it on me in the hallway in front of all of his teammates.

His coach came up to the floor and I had to fill in Coach CJ about the late comers who would be in Tardy Hall as well as AR's disrespectful behavior. Coach CJ spoke with AR, in a coach kind of way. However, when I was corralling the boys into Tardy Hall, AR had some more feelings to share with me. I took it in stride and remained calm, but I couldn't help but feel disappointed in AR after just meeting him. I hate having my first interactions with kids be negative ones, but it's not always up to me how they go. AR managed to control himself for 10 minutes while Ms. T and I lectured the boys about the importance of taking the program seriously and being responsible.

After the boys left, I was in the worst mood. It had been a while since I had been so blatantly disrespected. Before the boys went to practice they seemed to give a little more respect than before, but I wasn't feeling very positive about the next day. I was dreading having to come to the program where the boys thought they could speak to me as if I were gum on their shoe and felt no consequence for it.

However, as I do with my students, I always wipe the slate clean for the following day. I leave all my personal qualms at midnight and move forward. I do this with my students as they have a hard time understanding long-term anger, so I have to start each day fresh and not remain upset about things past the day that they happened. I figured I would afford these boys the same chances I give my kids, as everyone has an occasional bad day.

The program went rather smooth today - almost none of the boys were late - and everyone was working the entire time. When it came to 4:30pm, I wasn't expecting many kids for Tardy Hall. To my surprise, AR walked up to my door and looked at me. I asked how he was doing and he let me know that he was coming to Tardy Hall since he was late. I asked what time he got to the program and he explained he had things to do, so he came at 4pm. I was flabbergasted. AR had shared all of his opinions and feelings about how he didn't need to be there, he didn't need to do anything, and there wasn't anything I could do about it. And there he was, sitting in the back, doing homework, and sitting silently in Tardy Hall, with "please" and "thank you" to boot.

We had an honest conversation about what he expects of us and what we expect of him, including figuring out other options for him instead of having to do homework (I mean, we're talking about a straight A student here). I told him how disappointed I was when he spoke to me disrespectfully, as I had heard amazing things about him. He looked embarrassed, and apologized. It's clear that this kid needed a do-over. Thankfully, I now understand the importance of the mulligan, and was able to have a fresh start with AR. I told him how I looked forward to seeing him develop as a leader on the team and in the school, and his lips twitched into a smile for a quick second before returning to his more firm "too cool" face. At the end of Tardy Hall, we excused him, and he respectfully said goodbye and left.

AR had a rough start, but he was that kid everyone had told me about. He just needed a mulligan. While I have reservations about golf, I gotta give it credit for understanding the importance of a do-over.

Natural Disasters

The first 5 full days of school have been... spaced out.

Day 1 was fantastic. Things went smoothly, as one would hope they might. However, it turned out to be the calm before the storm because on day 2.... the earth quaked.

The day was going as we had planned, minus two of our support staff. No big deal, we're used to adapting. The kids had just finished lining up in the hallway to go to gym and left. One of my girls, AY stayed up with me because she wanted to grab some makeup work since she missed day 1. I was talking with Mrs. S, our math teacher, in the hallway when things started rumbling. Considering our building is essentially a construction site, and workers are on the roof above our classroom as well as hanging outside our windows, I thought nothing of it.

As we all know, the shaking didn't stop. It got worse. Many things began running through my mind as the ceiling tiles began to fall in the hallway.

1. The children are in the stairwell - I should run and help them.
2. The ceiling is falling right around Mrs. S - I should grab her.
3. AY is standing around looking confused and not worried - she should be more scared.
4. Those guys working on this building blew something up and now I'm going to die in this $60 million dollar project.
5. I should stand in the door frame, just like all my elementary school teachers told me to do.

Realizing that running to the stairwell wasn't going to help anyone and would likely hurt me - I decided the adults with my kids would be able to handle that situation. I grabbed Mrs. S and AY and shoved them into my doorframe with me. Mrs. S and I hugged AY to keep her from running away - as she wanted to go sit at my desk. The thought of the building going down did not stop, and I calmly accepted death and figured it was fitting that I died in the school as it had taken over every other aspect of my life. There was no praying to God, I thought about my family for a brief moment, and was glad I told them all I loved them the night before.

Then the shaking started to lessen, the building just swayed back and forth. Mrs. S kept telling me how that had to be an earthquake - as she had been through many of them when she lived in Japan. I shared my theory about the construction issues which made us all laugh. She then noticed that all the parts of the ceiling that had fallen slammed on the floor right where the kids had been standing 2 minutes earlier. Mrs. S felt it was very eerie - I thought it meant we had good timing and it added another reason why it is important for us to transition quickly.

After standing in my doorframe, hugging, for about 3 minutes, we decided it was safe to move. An announcement came overhead telling us to evacuate the building immediately. This brought a 6th thought...

6. We have no idea what the emergency evacuation/fire drill procedure is and have not been provided with a fire drill plan.

It figures that the first year I don't know the fastest way out of my building is the first year I actually need it. Of course, we are like rats in a maze and are able to find the cheese - especially when you're concerned your life is at risk. When we got outside my children immediately ran to me, telling me all about what happened. After a quick mother-hen head count, I was able to breath and listen to their stories about how the gym was shaking. This allowed my brain to forget my 1st concern (that the children were in the stairwell).

The principal made the executive decision to let the kids all go home (everyone walks) as it was unclear if it was safe to reenter the building. Of course, my kids ride a yellow school bus and had to wait to be picked up at 3:15pm - it was 2:00pm when all the other students were let go.

So the ID cluster team stayed with our awesome children and we played games in the mobile classroom/cafeteria until 3:15p. When we finally got them all on the buses, all other teachers had left an hour ago and only a few administrators were left. It would have been nice to leave when everyone else did, but my kids are fun to hang out with so it worked out in the end.

It was just nice to know that it was just an earthquake and not the building blowing up - that would have been a major bummer.

Due to the need to have every DCPS building inspected, Day 3 of school was canceled.

Once the earthquake was all dealt with, Hurricane Irene paid a visit and caused significant flooding in the basement of our newest section of the building. I'm sure there are many reasons this happened, but I can't help but think the empty window slot in one of the basement classrooms that only has a trash bag separating the elements from the indoors had something to do with it....

Between the flooding and the lack of power, Day 6 was canceled. After spending all weekend in my apartment braving the storm, I had done a significant amount of planning and decided I deserved a true day off. This naturally means I went over to Mrs. S's house and helped her with math planning. I do know how to relax though - I went kayaking in the Potomac with some of my fellow teachers. This was an excellent way to spend an afternoon off. I also jumped in the Potomac and went for a swim (yes, I am aware that river is super dirty - and yes, I am also aware it was likely dirtier that day due to the excessive flooding - but can you say you've swam in the Potomac? I didn't think so!) The rest of the day was rather relaxing, setting me up for a successful Day 7 today. Keep in mind, Day 7 was our 5th full day of school.

Considering the beginning of our school year usually sets the tone for the rest of the year, I'm completely stumped at what is to come. I'm not on board with all that apocalypse talk - but this year is promising to be my most interesting yet!

Fake It 'Till You Make It

About 8 or so years ago I was talking with my brother, about airport experiences. He was telling me about his most recent trip with my dad where they almost missed their flight due to airport security lines (don't worry, this isn't turning into a Seinfeld joke.) The security line was a mile long, and their flight was boarding - my brother was sure they were going to miss their flight. My dad turns to my brother, tells him to follow, then darts down the line, charging towards the metal detectors. My brother was terrified. He followed my father, head down like a scared puppy, and charged forward. When they got to the front of the line, my dad turned to the person in front and simply stated he was about to miss his flight and would the person mind if he jumped in line ahead of him to catch his flight. The person had no problem and let them go ahead. My brother was astonished... did that seriously just happen? How did they manage to skip a 45 minute line??

I was confused... why did my dad do that? When I asked him what gave him that kind of confidence he explained the following two principles:

1. Always wear a suit while traveling. It's never hurts to look really important.
2. Always act like you know what you're doing. People usually can't tell the difference between really good fakes and the real deal.

While I don't always travel in a suit, I quickly learned the power of faking it. People in the faux handbag industry learned the value of a really great fake, why couldn't this apply to people? Now, please don't take this as me supporting being a fake, but when in a pinch, it's alright to act like you know what you're doing and hope people believe it.

This principle is what has been the basis for my job over the past 2 years. First, I had no idea what it meant to be in an ID cluster, so I faked it. Then, I had no idea what it meant to teach math and english to students with intellectual disabilities, so I faked it. Next, I didn't know what "life skills" curriculum meant and what that encompassed, so I faked it. Lastly, I didn't know what vocational training looked like, so I faked it.

But today... Today I didn't fake it. Today, I made it. Our cluster was functional. It was beautiful. It was happy. It was appropriate. It was a well oiled machine. It was what all the kids wanted. It was appropriate for their levels. It was exactly what it should be, no faking.

While the other two teachers (yes, we have a 3rd teacher as of 8am this morning!) may feel like they're faking it, I was right in my element. The best part? The kids must have known, because we have never had great first day, and today was GREAT. They were all following directions, we got through the majority of our classes (we started late because of the rest of the school, not because of us), and all the logistics went seamlessly. It usually takes us about a month to get to where we were today. I am VERY excited to see what our group will look like in a month!

I thought it was just our group. I couldn't imagine the rest of the school having as good of a day as we did. But it turns out everyone stopped faking it today. Some people had 25 kids in their classes (usually that number hovers around 15 for the first 2 weeks), many teachers were able to meet the majority of their students, the building wasn't overcrowded with parents, there was an orderly way to handle registering new students, the list goes on. The only thing that didn't go right was the football team was supposed to meet with me after-school and didn't get the message, but that is extremely minor in the grand scheme of things.

It's looking like a great start to the year! Now the battle is maintaining this wonderful momentum we're starting with. I'm pretty sure we're up for the challenge.

Half the Battle is Just Showing Up

The ID (intellectual disability) Cluster that I work in has a team of 8 adults that work with our kids on a daily basis. In addition to these 8, we have other support staff such as social workers, speech-language pathologists, occupational therapists, counselors, and tutoring services. But the 8 core teachers and aides are the ones who have at least one class they teach to our kids everyday. Yesterday, 6 of the 8 were present for our first day of professional development. 7 of the 8 were accounted for. 1 was missing.

Today, we had the same attendance. This was unnerving. This feeling changed to anger and frustration when I learned that the 1 missing had quit the day before professional development started. I was even more upset that I was not informed of such things. I am the ID Cluster Leader and I have two days of professional development that are set aside just for me and my staff. Missing 1 person is not something I planned for.

I of course began frantically calling and emailing people, trying to find a teacher to put in this vacant position. Once I had a few candidates, I went and spoke with my principal who was interested in someone he interviewed for a different position last week and hadn't initially accepted. Unfortunately, that teacher is now at another school. My search continues...

I knew it was all too good to be true. I am in the newly renovated area of my school. I have a beautiful classroom, with brand new desks, shelving and cabinets built into the wall, a new teacher laptop and screen, a student laptop (theoretically I'm getting another as well), a laser jet printer,  a phone, cloth bulletin boards, 2 white boards, filing cabinets (yes, plural), beautiful windows, control over my central heating, amplification equipment so that I can wear a microphone while I'm teaching, and a promethean (smart) board. And I also received a key to my classroom, all my cabinets, and my filing cabinets.

This is the unbelievable upgrade from my classroom with old graffitied desks (many of which were broken), a filing cabinet that I purchased myself, a laptop that had missing pieces, a white board that didn't erase without industrial cleaner, a chalk board, stolen book shelves from other classrooms, mouse poop in one corner, a roof that leaked when it rained in another, no student laptops (they used mine if we did a computer activity), lights that weren't always on or working, heat sometimes, a/c window unit that we prayed worked every day, windows you couldn't see out of because they were so dirty, cement walls that NOTHING stuck to, a key I received 1.5 years after I started (because my door broke off the hinges and when it was replaced, the repairman gave me a key, not my administration), and the list goes on.

The amount of times I've gotten so overwhelmed with positive emotions that I've gotten teary eyed in the past week is embarrassing. Our children deserve all of these amazing things. They really do. They also deserve a full staff dedicated to them and DYING to teach them. I can say that is true for 7 of us. But I guess the eighth couldn't even show up to give us a chance. They didn't show up to give our children a chance. I guess they did us a favor, because if they don't even have the courage to show up for a day and give our team a chance or show up for our children, we don't want them in the cluster. Our children deserve better than that.

The latest and greatest is that central office cut the 3rd teacher position in the cluster. We brainstormed for two days and have come up with a plan. We're pretty confident it's going to work. Make it happen with what you've got and where you've got it.

Game on.

Everything You Say Can, And Will, Be Used Against You

Until this week, the only type of court situation I had been in was in regard to speeding tickets (it happens to everyone... doesn't it?). However, when I received an email from a DCPS Attorney General, Ms. G, I was beckoned to a new type of legal situation.

"Good afternoon,

There is a due process hearing for [my school] student [JN]. The issue is whether the IEP and location are appropriate. Based on the meeting notes I have read, it appears that Ms. Walker has enough experience w/ the student to speak knowledgable about her. Ms. Walker, are you available for a hearing on August 3rd?

Thank you."


I knew this was coming. I had 3 meetings in the past 7 months for this student where the parent and attorney for the student argued that JN needed a more restrictive, therapeutic environment. (Read: They want DCPS to pay for JN to go to a vocational instruction based private school for students with special needs located in Northwest, DC). I continued to explain that based on what I knew about JN's needs, my school could technically service her. Would she benefit from this private placement? Absolutely, any kid would. Should it be on the Districts dime? No, I need that money for new curriculum that she would benefit from. But they kept fighting, and I kept disagreeing, so here I was, being asked to testify at a hearing as the District's witness.

The meeting actually occurred on a different date (which I found out by showing up on the 3rd and then told that it wasn't that day.... so glad I came back early from vacation for this meeting...), but I agreed to come and testify in JN's case. Before this hearing, a person called an Educational Advocate had been the representative for the lawyer at the IEP meetings. The lawyer was clearly too busy being important to show up for JN's IEP meetings, but was perfectly capable to speak about the entire process we had been going through for 2 years by reading notes from all the meetings. I had never met the lawyer, and the advocate was not my biggest fan since I wasn't intimidated by her (something many of these people bank on), so this was not going to be the most comfortable situation. Luckily, JN's mom, Ms. C, and I have a great relationship and talk frequently about JN and how I can best help her in the classroom. I talked to her about once a week (or more) during the school year and Ms. C always appreciates everything I do for JN. Ms. C doesn't like anyone else in the building, but at least she liked me. It was nice to have at least one person who didn't hate me when I walked into the office...

The prosecuting lawyer, Mr. H., presented his case first.  He used the advocate as a witness first. As I listened to the questions he asked her, I was blown away. I found the whole process fascinating. He asked her questions that would ideally mold someone's point of view (duh) and it was frustrating. I wanted to interrupt and yell at him for being manipulative. Naturally, I raised my hand and the DCPS lawyer just kept hushing me. As Mr. H asked questions I wrote notes for the DCPS lawyer, Ms. G, informing her about all the between the lines things that he was glossing over, hiding, or flat out lying about. I didn't realize that Ms. G was going to get a turn to ask the advocate questions. I became much more aware of how important my presence was... my notes became our entire case... everything I wrote down was really important to counter any arguments put forward, clear up any manipulation Mr. H tried to create, correct any lie that was laid on the table. I felt pretty important.

After the advocate was finished with her testimony, Mr. H brought forth his next witness, the Executive Director of the private school in NW that Ms. C wanted to send JN to. This woman was really nice - I liked her. She seemed to be running a school that was helping kids who needed it and anyone who does that is a winner in my book. No manipulation was needed, her program sounded great without the shady questions. Once her testimony was complete, he asked the woman who completed JN's Functional Behavior Assessment (FBA) to review the assessment that she completed. This was annoying and unnecessary because we could simply read the assessment and get the same amount of information out of it, but of course when the psychologist reviewed it she only discussed negative aspects about my school and didn't point out the positives that she wrote about. I became increasingly annoyed with Mr. H who was wasting my time and going out of his way to be a jerk. Just use the people who were at the meetings and who know JN, not people who met her once and performed an assessment.

Next up to bat was Mom, Ms. C, my only ally in the room. Unfortunately, this was the first time we were pitted against each other. There were several points during the hearing where we tried to communicate, but Mr. H hushed Ms. C as if I was going to give her cancer by talking to her. I was a disease that would ruin her mind and his case. So he began asking questions, and she was unsure of some of the answers and would look at me for help. I'd look back and frown, wanting to say something but Mr. H would remind her to just say what she remembered... implying not to ask me for help. It was brutal. We had been a team for 2 years in educating JN and now we were separated, both trying to give JN what was best but having different views of how to provide it (appropriately so). I continued to write notes for Ms. G for her counter argument, but I didn't want to, I didn't want to do that to Ms. C. But alas, it was expected, and I like to meet expectations.

After the prosecutor's case was complete, it was my time to shine. I was sworn in (the first time I've ever had to do that!) and then Ms. G began asking the questions. She used my notes mostly to mold her case and ask questions that would counter arguments that had been said. I knew what to say, and how to say it. After listening to the first 3 witnesses and paying attention to the questions that Mr. H was asking, I realized this wasn't about what information you shared as much as HOW you shared it. It was all word play. Ms. G spent about 15-20 minutes questioning me, where Mr. H and Ms. C wrote notes about everything I said and whispered back and forth as Ms. G and I had done during their testimonies. This is much more nerve-wracking than I had expected, but I tried my best to keep my cool. (To be honest, I was rather concerned with my peeling skin from a bad sunburn, and every time they whispered my inner-self-conscious-teenage-girl thought they were commenting on how I looked like a reptile. My inner-confident-young-female-adult knew that this was not the case, but it was definitely one of the reasons my heart was pounding.) Then it was time for Mr. H to counter-question (or whatever it's called). I became visibly nervous.

"Take a deep breath, Ms. Walker! I'm not going to bite. You look nervous!" "Well, thanks Mr. H! You saying that is totally convincing and now my heart can stop pounding, my palms can stop sweating, and my peeling skin will reattach itself and you won't notice that I look like a 24-year-old-white-leper! You're SOOOO kind!"Ok, maybe I didn't say that out loud, but I definitely wanted to. I figured that wouldn't be a good thing to have on the record. Instead I politely laughed and reassured him I was fine, just anxious about meeting my 12:30p deadline to leave for another meeting (politely reminding him not to waste my time and to be prompt).

There were several moments where he became upset with me. I could tell he was upset because he actually raised his voice at me. I was caught off guard... I thought we were all adults, and adults don't raise their voices at other adults... at least I thought they didn't. When this occurred I would look around the room and then back at him to make sure that others were aware of him belittling me and treating me like a child. I would also pause before answering any time he raised his voice at me, to make sure that I had an extra calm response to show the contrast between our two voices.

"Ms. Walker, you clearly stated in this report that JN was suspended more times this year than last, but you are now saying she wasn't suspended her first year?!". [Look around to make sure we all noted he is acting like a child....1....2....3....4.... Look at him and make eye contact....5....6...] "Yes, Mr. H. Since she didn't have any suspensions her first year of school, anything more than 0 would be more than the previous year. So I am right, she was suspended more this year than last since she has been suspended at least once." "Ms. Walker, please pull up page [blah blah blah blah blah] and read that last line for me." "It reads, 'Despite [JN's] improvements, Ms. Walker explained that JN has had more disciplinary suspensions this year than last year." "And you now say she wasn't suspended her first year but in this report you clearly state she was suspended more than her first year, clearly pointing out that she had been suspended!" [Look around to make sure we all noted he is acting like a child....1....2....3....4.... Look at him and make eye contact....5....6...] "No. I clearly stated that she was suspended more this year than the previous. And as I said earlier, anything more than zero suspensions would make that statement true. We have repeatedly said she was suspended multiple times this past year, which is more than zero, and thus more than the previous year." "Ok... well... Ms. C said that JN was suspended her first year... are you saying she LYING?!" [Pause... look at Ms. C with a note of sympathy.... 1.....2.....3.....] "Yes, I believe that Ms. C is mistaken." "Oh... well... you think Mom is lying... then fine...." [Mr. H shuffles through papers and acts like a 5 year old with an attitude problem] "On to my next question..."

This went on for 20 minutes. Then the "judge" hearing officer had clarifying questions that lasted another 10 minutes. He seemed genuinely interested in what I was saying and doing at my school and seemed to show more sympathy than I expected. When I was finished, Ms. G wrote "good job." in my notebook and closed it for me. I said goodbye to everyone, told Ms. C "good luck with everything!" and then ran out of there. After being yelled at by a lawyer for 20 minutes about things out of my control, I was ready to forget all about it. I can't control whether the deans document suspensions properly. I can't control what other teachers do in their classrooms. I can't control whether adults are consistent with children in the building. I CAN worry about me and I CAN control what I do, but that's about it.

Cases like JN's aren't uncommon in the district. I have about 5-6 students each year who are special needs and have lawyers who "represent" them by filing complaints against the district. We call these, HOD cases, which stands for Hearing Officer Determinations. When a parent feels their child has had educational harm done to them, they can file a complaint against the district. The complaint is presented to a Hearing Officer, and that Hearing Officer determines what actions are to be taken in order to resolve the issue. If these steps are taken and the issue is still unresolved, it comes back before the Hearing Officer and the case is then heard about whether DCPS can service the child within the public school system or if the student must attend a private school where students from the district are placed. So, JN's case was an HOD that went back to court because mom wants JN at a placement school. Unfortunately, the equivalent of ambulance chaser's have taken on the responsibility of encouraging parents to file complaints against DCPS and the district spends a significant chunk of their budget on lawyers, placement school tuition, and transportation to said schools. While I think it's great that these kids get to go to private schools, it has diverted millions of dollars in resources from those kids without lawyers who also expect to be educated on the public dime. Who is really winning here? We'll save the explanation for how this lawsuit culture started and my opinions of it's effects on the District for another day.

One thing I did realize after this whole experience is I need to start watching more lawyer shows... Maybe I'd know what to expect? On a more serious note, it did make me think about going to law school. If I'm going to be battling lawyers as a teacher, I feel it could be useful to know what they know. Know thine enemy, right?

For now, that will have to remain on the back-burner and I'll just watch more Law & Order.