Term 2, Day 1. Today
was supposed be fresh. Shiny. New.
And it was, to an extent.
ML came in and was
respectful. Didn’t curse. Completed his work. Didn’t draw on the desk. Remained
seated the entire class.
Students didn’t scream
at me in the hallway between every period. When I redirected them they listened and followed directions. Most of the time.
I was able to run home
in the middle of the day because I forgot something. When I got back no one had
noticed I was gone. No one had gotten in trouble for a solid 40 minutes.
A teacher came back
after missing for an entire term. Students had a math teacher for the first
time all school year. Shiny and new?
That didn’t
prevent my day starting with a slap in the face. “I’ll be principal for the
week.” Groan. Sigh. Trudge forward.
One of my teacher’s called
out sick. It’s Monday. I shouldn’t be surprised.
PG attacked another
student. Mr. P had to restrain him. Days without restraint: 0
The team agreed on a
new system. Only half the teachers followed it. Better than none, I guess.
Why do I feel glass
half empty? I spent 10 hours of my weekend preparing so that I could feel
glory. That I could be reassured that I was doing things right; that I was
making things better for students, not worse. But there I was, sitting at home after
dinner, feeling like I failed them today. I feel like I’m crazy, trying to
build a tower out of popsicle sticks and no glue. Once I get things balanced
just right, someone breaths on it wrong and I’m back to square one.
So I turned to Google.
“famous quotes”. Addicted2success.com was there to help me out:
1. “If you don’t build
your dream, someone else will hire you to help them build theirs.” – Dhirubhai
Ambani
I had built what I
thought was my dream, but I still felt like I was hired by someone else to
build theirs. Not inspired. Next.
2. “The first step
toward success is taken when you refuse to be a captive of the environment in
which you first find yourself.” – Mark Caine
I was born into a life
a privilege and now I’m working in the hood. Does this even apply to me? I’m
still feeling like a failure. Not inspired. Skip down a bit.
4. “When I dare to be
powerful – to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less
and less important whether I’m afraid.” – Audre Lorde
One of my favourites.
However, lately I have not felt strong. I have felt more like a baby bird
pushed out of the nest too early. I wasn’t ready to fly. I wasn’t ready to
lead. Feeling more like a failure… Skip down a few more.
7. “I have not failed.
I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” – Thomas Edison
Oh Tom… you always
seem to have the right words. He spoke to me in this moment. Yes, I had found
10,000 ways that won’t work, and it will be ok if I find 10,000 more if I can
even find one way that will. Semi-inspired… feed me…
8. “If you don’t value
your time, neither will others. Stop giving away your time and talents. Value
what you know & start charging for it.” – Kim Garst.
Yes, Kim. You’re
right. I need to value myself a lot more; especially my time, which I tend to
give freely. When I feel like my time is being wasted, I shouldn’t tolerate
that. Then others will find value in my time and ultimately respect it. With
more valuable time, I can probably accomplish a lot more in a day…. More
inspired. Keep it up addicted2success.com….
9. “A successful man
is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at
him.” – David Brinkley
David, what a great way to look at it. I have laid a foundation with bricks that have been thrown at me. No
aides? No problem. No resources? Who needs you
to get them! No programming? I can do that. And now instead of 2 teachers, we
have 10. Instead of 2 aides, we have 6. Instead of no behavior techs, we have
4. Bricks thrown at us are what made us this strong. Keep. Them. Coming.
10. “Here’s to the
crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the
square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules.
And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with
them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them.
Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some
may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy
enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.” – Steve Jobs
This was it. Exactly what I needed.
Yes, I am crazy, a
misfit, and a troublemaker. I have not made things easy for my school, nor the district, and I will not start to do so now. I will continue to kick and scream and fight
for the kids who no one else will fight for. I will shout from the rooftops
that they are doing great things. I will battle dragons, climb Everest, and
dive to the depths of unknown seas to find the best way to educate these
beautiful, talented, thriving children. For every 10,000 ways that don’t work,
I have found 1,000 that do. I would find another million that don’t work just
to find 1 more that does, because these kids are worth every attempt.
I’m not building a
tower out of popsicle sticks, but of bricks that have been thrown at me. I am
not fond of rules, and never will be unless I have written them. No one has been able to ignore me yet, and I will not let them do so
now. We are moving forward, and will keep moving forward, because I am crazy
enough to think I can change my school, DCPS, and if I’m really lucky, this
country. Hell, why not the world?
I just hope Steve Jobs
was right about me, that I’m that
kind of crazy.
Thanks, Google. You always have the answer to my problems.
