There are many things that I hear teachers say each day that are inappropriate.
"Child, please."
"Little boy/girl, who do you think you're talking to like that??"
"You better take a step back before you get what's coming to you."
"I know you're going to have sex. Just don't be stupid. Because if you get her pregnant... I'm gonna cut off your penis. I'm not kidding, I have scissors upstairs."
"I'm going to poke you in the eyeball if you keep doing that."
"No, I don't have to like you. I have to educate you. These two things are not dependent upon one another."
"You are a hot mess. Get it together."
"I'm going to give you a wet willy if you don't stop it!"
The list goes on.
The majority of these comments are not harmful, many said amidst playful banter. However, there is the occasional inappropriate comment that cuts a little too deep. Those are the ones that ring in my head much longer than the funny ones.
"That baby right there is special ed. He need Ms. Walker's help." (Yelled in a hallway)
"They have special schools for kids like you. Weren't you there before? Why don't you go back there - you're clearly not doing well here."
"You are just a bad kid. Go home."
"Why are you even here??"
"I'm quitting because I can't go home angry anymore because of you guys and take it out on my fiancé."
Let me repeat that last one...
"I'm quitting because I can't go home angry anymore because of you guys and take it out on my fiancé."
Let me take you back to last Wednesday when I was having a conversation with AR.
AR: Ms. Walker, my teacher's quitting.
Me: No she's not. I would have heard about this.
AR: I've been telling you this for weeks. Why don't you believe me? Ms. Walker, I'm telling you, Ms. H is quitting. Her last day is Friday.
Me: Ummm.... Actually, that does sound like something I read on one of her Facebook statuses. Did she explain what happened?
AR: Yeah. She said that she can't take the emotional part of it. We make her go home all angry or some shit and then she takes it out on her fiancé. We're hurting her relationship with him or something, so she's choosing him over us.
Me: That's not a nice thing to say AR. Please don't go around spreading that lie.
AR: Who's lying!? That's what she said to our class. We're making her all emotional and she can't handle it.
Me: ..... uhhhh.....
AR: Yeah! That shit's fucked up!
Me: Watch your language... but yes, that is definitely not appropriate for her to say that to you.
AR: I'm thinking she just got another job but wanted to make us feel bad...
Me: Umm... yeah... maybe that's it?
There are many things wrong with this situation. Instead of dissecting all of them, I'm going to discuss the most obvious problem: Why am I hearing about a teacher quitting via Facebook???
Just kidding. While it is extremely inappropriate to be celebrating your upcoming departure from your current job through social media, that is not the worst part of that conversation. The worst part is that a teacher, whether it is true or not, blamed children for her problems with her partner.
I have had many conversations with people, both in my profession and outside of it, about how emotionally taxing my job is. It is very hard to walk into an abrasive environment everyday where there is a decent chance someone will yell curses at me, be extremely disrespectful to me, or I hear a story about a child that is heartbreaking. It takes a significant amount of effort to leave all of my day behind when I go home and just chat with friends or unwind by myself. I often talk to people about my day, sharing both the good and the bad, but I don't get angry at them for what I endured that day. I know that it is important for my personal relationships to keep my anger about work, at work. Just like it is important to keep my anger about personal things outside of work.
While this is not an easy task, it is extremely necessary in order to maintain healthy and functional work environment as well as a personal life. When I am not taking care of myself, the two start to seep into one another and the lines are blurred, and therefore my personal and professional lives suffer. It happens every so often (I am human after all) but I recognize the problem and correct it as quickly and swiftly as possible.
What I do not do, under any circumstance, is blame a child for this breakdown in boundaries. Here is a nice, itemized list of reasons why I do not do this:
1. It is not the child's fault, it is mine.
2. If the child has not entered my personal life, then they could not have been the one to ruin it.
3a. Telling a group of children who are frequently told that most things wrong around them is their fault when it is not is generally frowned upon.
3b. It is also ethically and fundamentally wrong.
4. It is your choice to be upset about what a child says or does. If you choose to be upset and choose to let it enter your personal life, that is not the child's fault for entering your personal life, it is your fault.
5. You can blame a child for being disrespectful and rude to you. You cannot blame a child for how you react to that behavior. One must take responsibility for their actions regardless of the cause.
6. Blaming people for something that is a fault within yourself is immature and poor modeling for the students.
7. Even if I did have a boyfriend, it is likely that I would lie and say that I don't. Cleaner boundary. Thus no issue of telling them that I take my anger out from work on my boyfriend. (I recognize this is a personal preference.)
I could continue with my reasons for not blaming personal issues on students, but I have a feeling you get the idea that this is wildly inappropriate.
The question is, how do you punish someone for being inappropriate with children? As I pointed out earlier, there are many inappropriate comments said every day, in clear earshot of superiors/administrators. Is it fair to say one thing is more inappropriate than another, or is inappropriate a black and white subject? And if someone does go way beyond the line of acceptable, and they're quitting, what can you do?
Unfortunately, any and all reactions to these comments are not going to take away the comment. The damage has already been done. We can explain to the kids "No, that's not what they meant..." or "That was really inappropriate... that person was being a bad role model..." but we can't take back the sting of IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT! Kids don't forget that kind of thing...
As my friend Ms. B says, "[Teachers,] I need you to do better."
"Child, please."
"Little boy/girl, who do you think you're talking to like that??"
"You better take a step back before you get what's coming to you."
"I know you're going to have sex. Just don't be stupid. Because if you get her pregnant... I'm gonna cut off your penis. I'm not kidding, I have scissors upstairs."
"I'm going to poke you in the eyeball if you keep doing that."
"No, I don't have to like you. I have to educate you. These two things are not dependent upon one another."
"You are a hot mess. Get it together."
"I'm going to give you a wet willy if you don't stop it!"
The list goes on.
The majority of these comments are not harmful, many said amidst playful banter. However, there is the occasional inappropriate comment that cuts a little too deep. Those are the ones that ring in my head much longer than the funny ones.
"That baby right there is special ed. He need Ms. Walker's help." (Yelled in a hallway)
"They have special schools for kids like you. Weren't you there before? Why don't you go back there - you're clearly not doing well here."
"You are just a bad kid. Go home."
"Why are you even here??"
"I'm quitting because I can't go home angry anymore because of you guys and take it out on my fiancé."
Let me repeat that last one...
"I'm quitting because I can't go home angry anymore because of you guys and take it out on my fiancé."
Let me take you back to last Wednesday when I was having a conversation with AR.
AR: Ms. Walker, my teacher's quitting.
Me: No she's not. I would have heard about this.
AR: I've been telling you this for weeks. Why don't you believe me? Ms. Walker, I'm telling you, Ms. H is quitting. Her last day is Friday.
Me: Ummm.... Actually, that does sound like something I read on one of her Facebook statuses. Did she explain what happened?
AR: Yeah. She said that she can't take the emotional part of it. We make her go home all angry or some shit and then she takes it out on her fiancé. We're hurting her relationship with him or something, so she's choosing him over us.
Me: That's not a nice thing to say AR. Please don't go around spreading that lie.
AR: Who's lying!? That's what she said to our class. We're making her all emotional and she can't handle it.
Me: ..... uhhhh.....
AR: Yeah! That shit's fucked up!
Me: Watch your language... but yes, that is definitely not appropriate for her to say that to you.
AR: I'm thinking she just got another job but wanted to make us feel bad...
Me: Umm... yeah... maybe that's it?
There are many things wrong with this situation. Instead of dissecting all of them, I'm going to discuss the most obvious problem: Why am I hearing about a teacher quitting via Facebook???
Just kidding. While it is extremely inappropriate to be celebrating your upcoming departure from your current job through social media, that is not the worst part of that conversation. The worst part is that a teacher, whether it is true or not, blamed children for her problems with her partner.
I have had many conversations with people, both in my profession and outside of it, about how emotionally taxing my job is. It is very hard to walk into an abrasive environment everyday where there is a decent chance someone will yell curses at me, be extremely disrespectful to me, or I hear a story about a child that is heartbreaking. It takes a significant amount of effort to leave all of my day behind when I go home and just chat with friends or unwind by myself. I often talk to people about my day, sharing both the good and the bad, but I don't get angry at them for what I endured that day. I know that it is important for my personal relationships to keep my anger about work, at work. Just like it is important to keep my anger about personal things outside of work.
While this is not an easy task, it is extremely necessary in order to maintain healthy and functional work environment as well as a personal life. When I am not taking care of myself, the two start to seep into one another and the lines are blurred, and therefore my personal and professional lives suffer. It happens every so often (I am human after all) but I recognize the problem and correct it as quickly and swiftly as possible.
What I do not do, under any circumstance, is blame a child for this breakdown in boundaries. Here is a nice, itemized list of reasons why I do not do this:
1. It is not the child's fault, it is mine.
2. If the child has not entered my personal life, then they could not have been the one to ruin it.
3a. Telling a group of children who are frequently told that most things wrong around them is their fault when it is not is generally frowned upon.
3b. It is also ethically and fundamentally wrong.
4. It is your choice to be upset about what a child says or does. If you choose to be upset and choose to let it enter your personal life, that is not the child's fault for entering your personal life, it is your fault.
5. You can blame a child for being disrespectful and rude to you. You cannot blame a child for how you react to that behavior. One must take responsibility for their actions regardless of the cause.
6. Blaming people for something that is a fault within yourself is immature and poor modeling for the students.
7. Even if I did have a boyfriend, it is likely that I would lie and say that I don't. Cleaner boundary. Thus no issue of telling them that I take my anger out from work on my boyfriend. (I recognize this is a personal preference.)
I could continue with my reasons for not blaming personal issues on students, but I have a feeling you get the idea that this is wildly inappropriate.
The question is, how do you punish someone for being inappropriate with children? As I pointed out earlier, there are many inappropriate comments said every day, in clear earshot of superiors/administrators. Is it fair to say one thing is more inappropriate than another, or is inappropriate a black and white subject? And if someone does go way beyond the line of acceptable, and they're quitting, what can you do?
Unfortunately, any and all reactions to these comments are not going to take away the comment. The damage has already been done. We can explain to the kids "No, that's not what they meant..." or "That was really inappropriate... that person was being a bad role model..." but we can't take back the sting of IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT! Kids don't forget that kind of thing...
As my friend Ms. B says, "[Teachers,] I need you to do better."
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