I don't like golf for many reasons. The biggest reason is I grew up in a house where the sport was despised (primarily by my father). Endless golfer jokes would come up when dinner guests were over who felt it was a good idea to share their love of the game with my dad. Ha. ha. ha. Aside from my father's love for the game, there are several parts of the sport that didn't sit with me. Openly saying people had a "handicap" was unique - I figured everyone just needs things a little different (that is what I tell my children). I was able to get over the handicap issue, but the concept of the mulligan in a sport was a tough concept to grasp.
What was the point of the competition if you got to do it over? Wasn't the point that you are supposed to perform well under pressure? If I messed up a foul shot for a game winning point, I wasn't allowed to say "Oh, that's going to be my mulligan - I'll take the slight deduction in order to do it again." Doesn't that take away from the integrity of the athleticism?
The mulligan continued to be a good joke all through high school and college - when I felt I should get a do over I would make a bad joke referencing a mulligan. But then I became a teacher and I gained a very different understanding of the mulligan, or should I say, the "do over".
I'm currently running the extra-curricular enrichment program for our football players. We have many options offered to them for an hour after school before they go to practice. They have study hall, SAT prep, college application assistance, and subject specific tutoring to choose from. The deal is, they must show up on time or else they stay in Tardy Hall with me for the amount of time they missed - thus going to practice late. The boys didn't quite understand the importance of being on time the second day of this program (Wednesday) and a group of about 10 of them showed up 20 minutes into the 1 hour block. I told them they would be staying after. Another group of 5 or so came 30 minutes late. I was attempting to get them into rooms, but a few of them were not thrilled at the idea. I managed to get all of them in except for one, AR. He was having none of it. I got to hear all about how he's the exception and this isnt' for him and he doesn't care what I have to say. Considering how upset he was, AR was very articulate of his feelings about me.
I was infuriated. This was a student that I had only heard the best things about. AR is a favourite of many, and has significant potential as a leader. We're talking about a student who had straight As for a semester or so last year. And this was how he was acting. He'd never met me, had no idea who I was, and felt that gave him full liberty to lose it on me in the hallway in front of all of his teammates.
His coach came up to the floor and I had to fill in Coach CJ about the late comers who would be in Tardy Hall as well as AR's disrespectful behavior. Coach CJ spoke with AR, in a coach kind of way. However, when I was corralling the boys into Tardy Hall, AR had some more feelings to share with me. I took it in stride and remained calm, but I couldn't help but feel disappointed in AR after just meeting him. I hate having my first interactions with kids be negative ones, but it's not always up to me how they go. AR managed to control himself for 10 minutes while Ms. T and I lectured the boys about the importance of taking the program seriously and being responsible.
After the boys left, I was in the worst mood. It had been a while since I had been so blatantly disrespected. Before the boys went to practice they seemed to give a little more respect than before, but I wasn't feeling very positive about the next day. I was dreading having to come to the program where the boys thought they could speak to me as if I were gum on their shoe and felt no consequence for it.
However, as I do with my students, I always wipe the slate clean for the following day. I leave all my personal qualms at midnight and move forward. I do this with my students as they have a hard time understanding long-term anger, so I have to start each day fresh and not remain upset about things past the day that they happened. I figured I would afford these boys the same chances I give my kids, as everyone has an occasional bad day.
The program went rather smooth today - almost none of the boys were late - and everyone was working the entire time. When it came to 4:30pm, I wasn't expecting many kids for Tardy Hall. To my surprise, AR walked up to my door and looked at me. I asked how he was doing and he let me know that he was coming to Tardy Hall since he was late. I asked what time he got to the program and he explained he had things to do, so he came at 4pm. I was flabbergasted. AR had shared all of his opinions and feelings about how he didn't need to be there, he didn't need to do anything, and there wasn't anything I could do about it. And there he was, sitting in the back, doing homework, and sitting silently in Tardy Hall, with "please" and "thank you" to boot.
We had an honest conversation about what he expects of us and what we expect of him, including figuring out other options for him instead of having to do homework (I mean, we're talking about a straight A student here). I told him how disappointed I was when he spoke to me disrespectfully, as I had heard amazing things about him. He looked embarrassed, and apologized. It's clear that this kid needed a do-over. Thankfully, I now understand the importance of the mulligan, and was able to have a fresh start with AR. I told him how I looked forward to seeing him develop as a leader on the team and in the school, and his lips twitched into a smile for a quick second before returning to his more firm "too cool" face. At the end of Tardy Hall, we excused him, and he respectfully said goodbye and left.
AR had a rough start, but he was that kid everyone had told me about. He just needed a mulligan. While I have reservations about golf, I gotta give it credit for understanding the importance of a do-over.
What was the point of the competition if you got to do it over? Wasn't the point that you are supposed to perform well under pressure? If I messed up a foul shot for a game winning point, I wasn't allowed to say "Oh, that's going to be my mulligan - I'll take the slight deduction in order to do it again." Doesn't that take away from the integrity of the athleticism?
The mulligan continued to be a good joke all through high school and college - when I felt I should get a do over I would make a bad joke referencing a mulligan. But then I became a teacher and I gained a very different understanding of the mulligan, or should I say, the "do over".
I'm currently running the extra-curricular enrichment program for our football players. We have many options offered to them for an hour after school before they go to practice. They have study hall, SAT prep, college application assistance, and subject specific tutoring to choose from. The deal is, they must show up on time or else they stay in Tardy Hall with me for the amount of time they missed - thus going to practice late. The boys didn't quite understand the importance of being on time the second day of this program (Wednesday) and a group of about 10 of them showed up 20 minutes into the 1 hour block. I told them they would be staying after. Another group of 5 or so came 30 minutes late. I was attempting to get them into rooms, but a few of them were not thrilled at the idea. I managed to get all of them in except for one, AR. He was having none of it. I got to hear all about how he's the exception and this isnt' for him and he doesn't care what I have to say. Considering how upset he was, AR was very articulate of his feelings about me.
I was infuriated. This was a student that I had only heard the best things about. AR is a favourite of many, and has significant potential as a leader. We're talking about a student who had straight As for a semester or so last year. And this was how he was acting. He'd never met me, had no idea who I was, and felt that gave him full liberty to lose it on me in the hallway in front of all of his teammates.
His coach came up to the floor and I had to fill in Coach CJ about the late comers who would be in Tardy Hall as well as AR's disrespectful behavior. Coach CJ spoke with AR, in a coach kind of way. However, when I was corralling the boys into Tardy Hall, AR had some more feelings to share with me. I took it in stride and remained calm, but I couldn't help but feel disappointed in AR after just meeting him. I hate having my first interactions with kids be negative ones, but it's not always up to me how they go. AR managed to control himself for 10 minutes while Ms. T and I lectured the boys about the importance of taking the program seriously and being responsible.
After the boys left, I was in the worst mood. It had been a while since I had been so blatantly disrespected. Before the boys went to practice they seemed to give a little more respect than before, but I wasn't feeling very positive about the next day. I was dreading having to come to the program where the boys thought they could speak to me as if I were gum on their shoe and felt no consequence for it.
However, as I do with my students, I always wipe the slate clean for the following day. I leave all my personal qualms at midnight and move forward. I do this with my students as they have a hard time understanding long-term anger, so I have to start each day fresh and not remain upset about things past the day that they happened. I figured I would afford these boys the same chances I give my kids, as everyone has an occasional bad day.
The program went rather smooth today - almost none of the boys were late - and everyone was working the entire time. When it came to 4:30pm, I wasn't expecting many kids for Tardy Hall. To my surprise, AR walked up to my door and looked at me. I asked how he was doing and he let me know that he was coming to Tardy Hall since he was late. I asked what time he got to the program and he explained he had things to do, so he came at 4pm. I was flabbergasted. AR had shared all of his opinions and feelings about how he didn't need to be there, he didn't need to do anything, and there wasn't anything I could do about it. And there he was, sitting in the back, doing homework, and sitting silently in Tardy Hall, with "please" and "thank you" to boot.
We had an honest conversation about what he expects of us and what we expect of him, including figuring out other options for him instead of having to do homework (I mean, we're talking about a straight A student here). I told him how disappointed I was when he spoke to me disrespectfully, as I had heard amazing things about him. He looked embarrassed, and apologized. It's clear that this kid needed a do-over. Thankfully, I now understand the importance of the mulligan, and was able to have a fresh start with AR. I told him how I looked forward to seeing him develop as a leader on the team and in the school, and his lips twitched into a smile for a quick second before returning to his more firm "too cool" face. At the end of Tardy Hall, we excused him, and he respectfully said goodbye and left.
AR had a rough start, but he was that kid everyone had told me about. He just needed a mulligan. While I have reservations about golf, I gotta give it credit for understanding the importance of a do-over.
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